Bullies are truly awful. That’s a universal truth. From the lingering effects of childhood tormentors to the bullying we face as adults, or even seeing our children suffer at the hands of bullies, the pain is undeniable. Bullying instills feelings of helplessness and anxiety, forcing us to doubt our self-worth. It’s crucial to remember that the problem lies with the bully—be it that obnoxious child pushing others around or the toxic colleague who thrives on belittling others—not with you.
Bullies are often deeply insecure and constantly in search of validation they’ll never achieve unless they change their behavior. They are so eager to be perceived as significant that they will harm anyone in their path, including you and your kids.
If you or your children find yourselves targeted by a bully, it’s essential to remember who you are. Encourage your kids to recognize their own worth. No one can take that away—not that nasty individual in math class who whispers hurtful things, nor that arrogant co-worker who claims credit for others’ work while putting them down.
The reality is that those bullies are insignificant. You, however, are incredible.
I’m now 49 and still carry the scars from the bullying I faced in school. One silver lining is that it happened before the era of smartphones; the thought of videos of those moments being shared is unbearable.
Confessions of Bullying
Confessional #25858642: While I wholeheartedly support the idea of standing up to bullies, I wasn’t the one who anonymously sent a “Rot in Hell!” flower arrangement to my childhood bully’s funeral.
Confessional #25845218: I’m still haunted by my lonely high school days, despite achieving a decent life now and having friends. The trauma from middle school bullying lingers on.
Confessional #25841914: Mark and Tyler, you tormented me in high school. I’ve grown into a beautiful writer, wife, mother, and grandmother who spreads positivity in the community. I hope you both are suffering.
The long-lasting impacts of childhood bullying can be severe. Healing takes time, and for some, the wounds never fully close. Yet, it’s vital to reflect on the strength you demonstrated then and continue to show now. You’re likely a lot happier and more successful than those who tormented you.
Exclusion as a form of bullying has existed for ages. At 58, I still remember the ones who made me feel small.
Confessional #25850627: My middle school bully is now an elementary school teacher. I hope she’s changed; she was quite the nasty piece of work back then!
Confessional #25851286: I got into a fight in sixth grade and bit off part of my bully’s ear, which had to be sewn back on. After that, the bullies left me alone.
Confessional #25850258: Both my partner and I were severely bullied in school. I don’t understand why forced inclusion is believed to help; in my experience, it only led to worse bullying. Moving away was the only solution.
Even as we strive to heal from our experiences with childhood bullies, a part of that history stays with us forever. We’ll never forget, even if we find the strength to forgive. The best we can do is transform those negative experiences into positive actions—by promoting kindness and teaching our children to do the same.
Confessional #25853310: My partner is being kinder, but after 30 years of mistreatment and gaslighting, I can’t seem to let go. I want a divorce.
Confessional #25848132: How do you know when the screaming and bullying cross the line? I thought I had improved my situation in my second marriage, yet I find myself with another verbally abusive bully. I feel like a failure.
Confessional #25842220: I find myself needing to mix vodka into my sweet tea when my financially bullying partner works from home. His presence is anxiety-inducing, and I brace myself for criticism as I tolerate him for financial survival.
Bullying in Adulthood
As adults, bullying remains a constant presence in our lives, just as it did in our youth. Some of us find ourselves married to our own bullies, unsure of how to escape.
Confessional #25858754: I wish my significant other would stand up to his bullying manager. He’s so much sweeter and more passive than I am—I just want to go down there and confront her!
Confessional #25853894: I hope the office bully gets fired. I’m exhausted from watching her drive good employees away with her aggressive attitude.
Confessional #25849776: My co-worker received a promotion over me, despite my longer tenure. The reason? She’s more assertive and gets things done. She’s a bully, plain and simple.
And then we face regular bullying in the workplace. Whether it’s from our boss or a colleague, it often feels like we’re powerless against a toxic individual day after day.
Confessional #25853156: My partner reached a breaking point and confronted the kid who was bullying our child and threatening violence. No more problems after that.
Confessional #25852122: Anyone who argues against trans kids in sports needs to get a grip. Every person has a unique body with different strengths! We don’t emerge from the womb like mannequins; stop bullying minors who have far bigger issues and just want to play.
Confessional #25850467: A couple of boys at school bully my 7-year-old son, and my hatred for them consumes me. I need to develop a thicker skin.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking situation is when we discover our children are being bullied. Whether we witness it or hear about it secondhand, it feels like a piece of our heart is being ripped out. We instinctively want to protect them—confront the bully, make it clear that they should leave our children alone—but as parents, it’s more important to empower our kids to stand up for themselves.
We can only hope that childhood bullies recognize their wrongs and learn from their negative experiences. The same goes for adult bullies.
Ultimately, the best we can do is raise resilient kids who understand the value of kindness and the importance of being upstanders rather than bystanders. They must never engage in bullying themselves.
It all starts with us. Our children are observing how we act—so as parents, we must be mindful of our behaviors.
Further Reading
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Summary
This article discusses the pervasive issue of bullying, both in childhood and adulthood, emphasizing the importance of recognizing one’s self-worth and the necessity of empowering children to confront bullies. It highlights that the real issue lies with the bullies, who often struggle with their own insecurities. The piece encourages fostering kindness and resilience in children while also acknowledging the long-lasting effects of bullying on victims.