What’s a 49-year-old woman doing with a two-year-old? That’s the question that races through people’s minds as I chase my toddler through the grocery store, bring her to story time at the library, or take her to lunch at our local café. Having a baby at 47 might seem unusual, but I’ve discovered I’m part of a growing group of women who are challenging stereotypes by having children later in life. Celebrities like supermodel Iman and Janet Jackson have paved the way, and I’m grateful to join this elite club.
It’s one thing to read about older moms in magazines, but encountering one in real life is a different experience altogether. I remember leaving Costco one afternoon with my teenage daughter and my baby when the cashier looked me in the eye and bluntly asked, “Are you their grandma?” Stunned by her question, I replied, “No.” She shot back with disbelief, “You’re not?” I repeated my answer and continued on my way, feeling a mix of shock and self-consciousness.
On the drive home, I tried to keep the mood light for my kids, but I was bothered by the encounter. Had I really looked old enough to be a grandparent? When I got home, I examined my reflection and noticed the small lines around my eyes and an overall tired expression. Late-night feedings and early mornings with a teenager certainly take their toll.
In the time since that day, I’ve reflected on the experiences of older mothers. I can’t be the only woman who has welcomed a child after turning 45. Research backs me up—birth rates among women in their 40s have actually risen. From 2017 to 2018, there was a three percent increase in births for women aged 45-49 and a two percent increase for those aged 40-44. With these numbers, we’ll likely see more of us in parks, at soccer practices, and out running errands.
Women are choosing to start families later in life for various reasons. In my case, my daughter was a delightful surprise during my perimenopause phase. I had been consulting my doctor about hot flashes and other symptoms when I jokingly told my daughter that I was “too old” for another baby. Well, surprise—I wasn’t!
Many women I’ve met prioritized their careers or adventures in their younger years, while others found love later in life and decided to wait until they were in a committed relationship to become parents. Advances in fertility treatments have opened doors for many older women who wish to become mothers.
Despite the rising rates, having a baby in your late 40s or early 50s is still quite rare. In 2018, just over 950 babies were born in the U.S. to women aged 45 to 54, compared to more than 566,000 born to women aged 35 to 39.
As older moms remain a minority, I believe society should practice a little more courtesy. Most people know not to ask a woman if she’s pregnant because she might be carrying extra weight. So why do we feel the need to ask if a woman is the mother of a baby? She could be the mom, the grandmother, or even a nanny. Does it really matter?
I’ve encountered my fair share of rude comments while out with my little one. One memorable remark came from an older lady in the grocery store who said, “You’re too old to be playing with dolls.” She said it twice while I was checking out. The cashier responded, “She heard you. She smiled at you.” I smiled because, while I’m definitely not playing with dolls, I believe kindness outweighs rudeness.
Inside, I chuckled at the reality of diaper changes, midnight feedings, and cleaning up after a stomach bug. Being a parent, even at my age, is so much more fulfilling than playing with toys. I relish the moments of tickling my child, hearing her laughter, chasing her on the playground, and dancing in the kitchen to silly songs. At 49, I find that I take life less seriously, and being a mom now is even more enjoyable than it was 16 years ago when I welcomed my first child.
The best part? The hugs and snuggles I receive from my little one keep me feeling young. Plus, I’m simply not ready to embrace the grandma label just yet. For those interested in learning more about parenting later in life, resources like this one can provide valuable insights. For further reading on fertility and conception, check out this excellent resource or this authority on the topic.
Summary:
Being a mother in your late 40s often leads to surprising encounters and misconceptions. Despite the rarity of older mothers, the trend is on the rise, with numerous women breaking societal norms to embrace motherhood later in life. Kindness and understanding should be the norms as we navigate this unique journey, filled with joy and laughter, while also facing the challenges of parenting at an age where many are becoming grandparents.