In today’s parenting landscape, many of us tend to be overly involved in our children’s lives. Personally, I find myself still escorting my 11-year-old son home from school, even though it’s just a few blocks away and he’s fully capable of walking on his own. Likewise, I might still be helping my kindergartener with personal hygiene tasks, simply because I struggle with his resistance and the less-than-ideal results when he attempts it alone.
While I strive to grant my children independence and responsibilities, I find it challenging to break free from the pervasive culture of over-parenting, where parents supervise their children at every turn and influence their decisions. I often reminisce about my own childhood when my mother allowed me to roam freely with neighborhood friends on my bike, only calling me in for dinner when it was time. Nowadays, such freedom seems almost unthinkable; parents would likely face scrutiny for allowing a young child to wander without supervision.
It’s interesting to consider whether this parenting approach—often described as “helicopter parenting”—actually benefits our children. One American mother, Lisa Greene, who moved her family to Berlin, Germany, discovered a vastly different approach to parenting. In her memoir, Navigating Independence: An American Mom in Germany, she reflects on the stark contrasts between German and American parenting styles.
Germany embraces a philosophy of free-range parenting. Children walk to school independently, navigate public transportation on their own, and even engage in cooking and fire-related activities under parental guidance. Parents typically take a step back, allowing children to resolve their own conflicts and granting them the opportunity to learn from their experiences. Moreover, German children are not over-scheduled; they often have unstructured time to foster creativity and self-sufficiency.
Initially, Greene found the German parenting style to be a culture shock, but she soon recognized its merits. This approach, referred to as Selbständigkeit, translates to “self-reliance” and aims to cultivate independent, resilient individuals. As Greene explains in an interview with The Parenting Journal, “We cannot create a completely safe environment for our kids, nor can we dictate their future outcomes. Eventually, children must learn to navigate risks and manage their lives independently. We do them a disservice if we wait until they’re adults to teach them self-reliance.”
Steps to Foster Selbständigkeit
So, what steps can parents take to instill a sense of Selbständigkeit in their children? Small actions can make a significant difference. For instance, encourage your child to order their own meal at a restaurant or allow them to play independently at the park while you observe from a distance. These actions not only empower your child but also inspire other parents in your community to adopt similar practices.
While not every parent may embrace an entirely free-range approach, incorporating a bit more Selbständigkeit into our parenting can yield positive results for both children and parents alike. For more insights on fostering independence in your family, consider checking out resources such as Progyny’s blog for valuable information on home insemination and parenting.
In summary, encouraging self-reliance in our children through small, practical steps can lead to greater independence and resilience. By shifting our mindset and gradually allowing our kids more freedom, we set them up for success in navigating life’s challenges.