“Get a shoelace to clamp the umbilical cord,” my landlord relayed to the 911 dispatcher as I lay on the kitchen floor, blood pooling around me. My partner grabbed a lace from his sneaker and asked, “Does it matter if it’s dirty?” Our newborn lay on my belly, swaddled in a towel.
In that chaotic moment, I wasn’t thinking, “Didn’t our birth plan specify delayed cord clamping for three minutes?” Instead, I was consumed by disbelief: “What on earth just happened?”
Despite the meticulous planning I had poured into my birth strategy, I failed to consider what to do if my labor resembled the horror stories I’d heard from strangers and comedians alike.
At midnight, I jolted awake to the unmistakable sensation of my water breaking—a dramatic gush reminiscent of scenes from romantic comedies. My partner quickly gathered our essentials while dialing our doula and nanny. Before heading to the hospital, we crept into our toddler’s room for a final farewell. I accidentally brushed his leg and, in turn, woke him up. OOPS. We left, hoping he’d drift back to sleep, but instead he wailed, “Mommy, sing me a song.”
Before I could utter a note, the urge to push hit me. “Call 911. The baby’s coming now!” I instructed my partner and landlord as I knelt on the floor. After a few intense pushes, our baby was born right there in our cramped San Francisco kitchen, the paramedics, doula, and nanny still stuck in traffic.
“It’s a boy,” my partner announced, but my only concern was, “Is he okay?” He emerged crying, and just a few feet away, his big brother continued to cry as well. No birth plan can prepare you for the surreal nature of that moment.
In the weeks that followed, everything felt overwhelming, a struggle to cope with the trauma hidden beneath late-night feedings and diaper changes. One night, feeling accomplished, I prepared slow cooker oatmeal with apples, coconut milk, and cinnamon—only to realize in the morning that I had completely forgotten the oats.
When you’re in labor, your birth plan becomes irrelevant. The carefully selected battery-operated candles won’t matter. Touching your baby’s head during crowning? That won’t matter either. (Spoiler: It feels squishy.) The laughing gas? Okay, that did help ease the pain during my first delivery, but ultimately, the things you think will define your birth experience may fade away. What you’ll truly remember is beyond your current imagination.
Giving birth offers a vital lesson in motherhood: at some point, you must let go of control. Embrace each breath as it comes, and trust that you’ll emerge stronger and wiser on the other side.
For me, relinquishing control has always been a challenge as a mom and a recovering perfectionist. I used to swap out my favorite fiction for parenting books, believing that the more I read, the better I would become. Over time, I learned to ease up on myself and accept that not everything will go according to plan.
There’s no birth plan to account for the immense love that washes over you the first time you hold your newborn. No book can prepare you for the torrent of emotions that accompany parenthood.
Now, my older son, who is three-and-a-half, is captivated by dinosaurs and grappling with the concept of mortality. Recently, he looked me in the eyes and expressed his fear of dying, asking if we could die together. Lacking a better answer, I simply said yes.
Bringing a baby into the world is a magnificent leap into the unknown. Craft a birth plan if you wish; visualize it, meditate on it. But be ready to tear it up—or at least draft a second one—a blank slate. For more about fertility and home insemination, check out this post on artificial insemination kits. You can also find great insights on the fertile window and explore science-backed fertility information for further reading.
Summary:
The experience of giving birth can diverge drastically from any planned scenario, often leading to unexpected and surreal moments. Embracing the unpredictability of labor can teach valuable lessons in motherhood and personal acceptance. As new parents navigate the early challenges, they learn to let go of control and savor the beautiful chaos that accompanies bringing a child into the world.