The other evening, my daughter excitedly announced that she had crafted an incredible card for Valentine’s Day. “At school,” she clarified, her eyes shining. “I made you a card for Valentine’s Day at school!”
“That’s wonderful,” I replied, impressed by her thoughtfulness.
“Oh wait,” she said, beaming with joy, “I meant Mudder’s Day! I made you a card for Mudder’s Day.” Her pride and enthusiasm were infectious.
No matter the occasion—be it Mudder’s Day or Valentine’s Day—nothing could diminish the joy she felt in sharing this moment.
As a child, I too experienced the enchantment of holidays. Mother’s Day shimmered with a kind of magic, bringing to mind images of unicorns, lollipops, and vibrant daisies. It was a time filled with handmade cards, dandelion bouquets, and gifts crafted from macaroni and glitter. My upbringing was blessedly ordinary, and Mother’s Day symbolized love, devotion, and maternal warmth.
Back then, the thought that Mother’s Day—or motherhood itself—might harbor complexities and struggles seemed unfathomable, much like the idea of the Easter Bunny being the secret child of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. It just didn’t compute.
However, as I’ve matured and gained life experience, I’ve come to understand the intricate emotions tied to Mother’s Day for many women. For some, this day is filled with serene beauty, just as the commercials portray. Yet for others, it surfaces feelings of loss, yearning, and sorrow. For many, Mother’s Day is a tangled mix of joy and heartache.
For some, Mother’s Day is a difficult journey through muddy trenches.
Despite the cheerful narratives I cherished as a child, there lies a deeper complexity to this day for many individuals. There are friends mourning the absence of their mothers—whether it’s their first Mother’s Day without her or they’ve navigated life as a motherless child for years, the void of that loss never truly heals.
Then there are those women whose aspirations of motherhood have faced setbacks due to infertility, miscarriage, or unexpected life events. Others may lack a partner to share the joys and challenges of motherhood. Some carry the weight of strained relationships with their own mothers, while there are mothers grieving the loss of their little ones far too soon. The pain of losing a child is immeasurable, and the heartache remains, regardless of time.
I won’t pretend to fully understand what it’s like for you to endure Mother’s Day filled with such profound heaviness. Yes, I’ve encountered my share of disappointments on this day, but they pale in comparison to the depth of emotion many experience. Major holidays often come with unrealistic expectations, and while my experiences have been relatively simple, I recognize that for many, this day is laden with complexities.
I have the privilege of having a mother I admire and a partner who makes me feel cherished every day, not just on Mother’s Day. However, I cannot begin to fathom the pain of losing a parent or a child. While I’ve experienced the anguish of infertility and miscarriage, I can only reflect on those struggles as parts of my past.
Thus, I won’t offer empty platitudes or well-meaning advice. I won’t recount memories or suggest that there’s a reason for everything. You don’t need to hear another piece about the timeless love of a mother. You know how to navigate your own grief, healing, or acceptance.
What I want to express is this: I see you, and I hear you.
I recognize the sorrow in your eyes and the regret in your voice. I see glimpses of your mother in the smiles of her grandchildren. I observe the fierce love you have for the child you do have, shaped by the one you’ve lost. I hear your conversations linger a bit longer, filled with pride for the mother she was. I notice how you pour your energy into your nieces and nephews, often giving them the attention that life’s demands sometimes steal from your own children. I hear your silence when discussions turn to mothers and motherhood.
While I may not know the specifics of your pain or the emotional landscape you traverse, please know that you are seen, you are heard, and you are not alone.
Happy Mudder’s Day. Happy Muddy Day. Or even Happy Valentine’s Day—whichever resonates with you. Just remember that you are loved.
If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of parenthood, you can check out this post on couples and their fertility journey. For those seeking support on pregnancy-related topics, the CDC provides valuable information. And if you want to dive deeper into discussions around infertility, this resource on gnocchi is highly informative.
Summary
This piece reflects on the complexities of Mother’s Day, acknowledging the diverse emotions experienced by women on this day. While some celebrate with joy, others face sorrow, loss, or heartache. The author emphasizes understanding and compassion for those navigating these challenges and offers links to supportive resources.