Parenting is an experience fraught with anxiety. From concerns about the flu to fears of broken bones, it feels like the world is a treacherous place, especially when you’re tasked with guiding your children toward adulthood with their well-being intact. The emergence of the #MeToo movement has further intensified those anxieties, revealing deep-rooted issues of abuse and misconduct that have long been ignored.
As a parent of both a son and a daughter, just 18 months apart, I find myself grappling with new, more intricate fears. I worry that my daughter might someday utter “me too” in relation to harassment, and equally, I fear that my son could inadvertently contribute to that reality.
While I can’t control the world around them or the people they will encounter, I can impart valuable lessons while they are still under my roof. Here are the insights I hope to share with them:
For My Daughter:
- Rudeness in Certain Situations is Acceptable: I will teach you to maintain etiquette and politeness, but also emphasize that there are moments when being assertive or even rude is necessary. Never let a man’s feelings dictate how you allow him to treat you.
- Be True to Yourself: Never dilute any aspect of your identity for the comfort of a man. Whether it’s your intelligence, beauty, or leadership, embrace who you are without apology. Seeking validation is unnecessary.
- Your Voice is Always Valid: Delaying your response to a wrong you’ve experienced does not lessen your right to speak out. You can express your feelings and experiences, regardless of the time elapsed.
- Cultivate Strong Female Friendships: Dispel the myth that female relationships are inherently competitive. Surround yourself with strong women who uplift and support you, forming a tribe that will guide you when faced with challenges.
- Consent is Non-Negotiable: Always remember that you alone have authority over your body. Never compromise on your right to say “yes” or “no” in any situation.
For My Son:
- Misogyny is Still Misogyny: Even if you label derogatory comments as “locker room talk,” they are still harmful. Language that objectifies women can infiltrate your worldview and skew your perceptions.
- Understanding Consent: Consent is more than just a simple “yes.” If a girl appears uncomfortable, halt any advances. It’s crucial to grasp that consent is an ongoing dialogue that can be revoked at any moment.
- Speak Up Against Misconduct: If you witness harassment or inappropriate behavior toward women, do not remain silent. Speaking out might be uncomfortable, but it’s essential, even if it puts you at odds with someone you respect.
- Choose Your Words Wisely: Avoid using derogatory terms like “bitch.” Such language is damaging and often aimed at women who do not conform to societal expectations. Words carry weight; use them to foster positivity.
- Surround Yourself with Respectful Peers: Seek friendships with men who understand the implications of assault and objectification. Loyalty should never come at the cost of complicity in harmful behavior.
In conclusion, navigating the complexities of parenting in today’s world is undeniably challenging. By imparting these lessons to both my children, I hope to equip them to face the world with confidence and integrity.
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Summary: Parenting is filled with fears that have evolved in light of societal changes like the #MeToo movement. It’s important to teach both daughters and sons valuable lessons about respect, consent, and self-worth to navigate the complexities of modern life.