Updated: Jan. 15, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 26, 2021
In the early 90s, if someone had proposed that I, a fiercely independent and career-oriented feminist, would pause my extensive education to become a stay-at-home parent, I would have laughed them off. That’s just not how I was raised to think. However, life has a way of steering our choices in unexpected directions.
Throughout the eight years I’ve been a parent, circumstances have led me to embark on two separate stints as a stay-at-home mom. The first experience was relatively successful, while the second has been a bit of a challenge.
My initial stint occurred in Greece with my first child. I was a full-time educator at an international school, planning to return to my role after maternity leave. However, a job transfer for my husband, who is Greek, forced us to move from a lively city to a small town. With a newborn and limited job prospects, I found myself navigating the stay-at-home life. It was tough, but with the help of some inspiring cooking shows and local mom friends, I managed to adapt and even thrive. Yet, once we returned home, I quickly re-entered the workforce.
My second stint as a stay-at-home parent was unexpected. It began with my husband suggesting I take a few months off to help our toddler recover from a significant surgery. Unfortunately, what was supposed to be a short break has turned into an indefinite commitment. Since I’ve been immersed in this role, I’ve realized that the American approach to stay-at-home parenting is quite different from what I experienced in Greece, and I find myself struggling in several ways:
1. My Wardrobe Lacks Activewear
In my Greek town, the norm was to stay at home, and if you ventured out, a simple outfit sufficed. In contrast, American school drop-offs seem to demand a coordinated workout look every day. Just the other week, I overheard a fellow mom mention her “yoga-dress,” whatever that is. While I admire the stylish moms in their matching ensembles, I can’t pull off that vibe. I’ll stick with my trusty jeans.
2. Playgroups Aren’t My Thing
In Greece, socializing occurred organically at parks or beaches, where kids played freely, and adults exchanged casual chatter. Here, playgroups are essential for socializing little ones, but they often become endless circles of planning future meet-ups, which doesn’t suit my preference for more spontaneous interactions. I prefer to remain somewhat anonymous, thank you very much.
3. I’m Not a Fan of Mom Conversations
During my time in Greece, conversations with other moms revolved around life, not just parenting. In the U.S., however, I find myself bombarded with discussions focused solely on motherhood. I’ve resorted to speaking in Greek at the playground just to avoid the constant barrage of topics about babywearing and feeding schedules. I crave conversations about books and politics, not just parenting logistics.
4. Playing is Not My Strength
American moms seem to spend a significant amount of time engaging in play with their children. In Greece, that was often left to grandparents while mothers focused on other tasks. I believe in letting kids entertain themselves, so while I can coordinate an engaging Lego battle for a short time, I’m not the mom who wants to role-play every day.
5. Work is My Happy Place
I’ve always enjoyed being around colleagues and engaging in conversations that don’t revolve around nap times or diaper changes. I long for the camaraderie of shared workplace experiences, even if some of those discussions do veer into the territory of discussing bowel movements. There’s something fulfilling about the routine of work that I miss dearly.
As I navigate this unexpected journey of motherhood in a culture that feels foreign to me, I remain committed to making it work, even if my skills are lacking. And yes, I could definitely use more yoga pants in my wardrobe.
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In summary, being a stay-at-home parent is filled with challenges, especially when adapting to different cultural expectations. Despite my struggles, I’m determined to embrace this journey, one day at a time.