Let’s be honest: I simply don’t have time for phony friendships. While I enjoy the occasional playdate at the park or a casual gathering with other moms, what I truly crave is a deep connection with a friend—someone with whom I can share a long dinner, diving into our challenges over desserts for hours. If a playdate doesn’t lead to that level of understanding and intimacy, then I’m not interested.
Small talk doesn’t do it for me anymore. At this stage in my parenting journey, I need a friend who is willing to tackle the tough topics head-on. I want someone who won’t judge me if I admit that today is particularly trying, and who can openly share their own struggles too. True friendships require vulnerability and a willingness to face the messy parts of life together.
I have a circle of friends I occasionally dine with, and we can spend three to four hours talking. My partner often wonders how this can be enjoyable, but it nourishes my spirit to engage in meaningful conversations with other women. You can’t cover the real issues in a quick trip to the park with a toddler in tow. Let’s face it—nobody is going to spill their guts about personal issues at a playgroup where they barely know anyone.
When I make the effort to step out for an outing with friends, I want it to be worthwhile. I seek discussions about the real, juicy, and often embarrassing aspects of life—the kind that can lead to tears one moment and laughter the next, until our sides ache.
However, finding friends willing to go there isn’t easy. It involves a lot of trial and error, and sometimes you need to be candid and see how they respond. Do they laugh awkwardly when you mention a parenting difficulty, or do they connect with you and say, “OMG! I thought I was the only one!”?
It might take time to identify your tribe—the ones who truly understand you and with whom you can be authentic. There might even be a period of loneliness as you search for that genuine connection. Most women, I believe, desire real friendships over superficial ones, and they want to be that friend too. Yet, taking that leap can be daunting; they may fear rejection when discussing tough subjects at dinner.
But I firmly believe it’s worth it. It’s better to be without friends than to invest energy in relationships that lack depth. I’m more inclined to connect with those who share their struggles, whether it’s about parenting challenges or more serious issues like mental health. The pretenders living in a perfect bubble are not my kind of people.
I’ve learned to filter out those who prefer lighthearted banter about school and prioritize those who bravely discuss their real-life troubles. Those who have confided about their child’s suicidal thoughts and are seeking advice? Those are the friends I treasure.
Finding real friends takes effort, and it’s often about being open and watching how others react. If you’re ready to embrace authenticity, don’t be afraid to share your raw experiences or cry openly. You might just discover that the genuine connection you seek is waiting to be formed.
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In summary, I prioritize finding authentic friendships that allow for open dialogue about life’s ups and downs. It’s about forging connections that transcend small talk and dive into the heart of our experiences.