I can’t pinpoint exactly what altered my perspective, but the other day, while changing my clothes, I caught a glimpse of my bare self in the mirror. This time, instead of turning away, I paused and examined my reflection more closely. For years, I had avoided this moment, fearing the disappointment and dissatisfaction that always followed, feelings which often spiraled into anger and frustration. I never liked what I saw; it made me feel small and defeated, as if I could never measure up. Mirrors were my enemies, only serving as reminders of my perceived flaws.
However, that day was different. As I scrutinized my reflection, I recognized a nearly 40-year-old woman who, despite being a few sizes larger than I prefer, still possesses a certain appeal. My legs looked strong, carrying me to all the places I needed to be. My arms may show signs of aging, bearing a little extra weight, but they are also the arms that embrace my loved ones—family and friends alike. My hips and waist have expanded beyond what I once desired, yet they have cradled my children, offering them comfort in their hugs. My breasts may have settled lower than I ever imagined, but they nourished my daughters during their formative years. I am not merely a collection of body parts; I am the woman who exists beyond the surface.
I’m not claiming to have transformed into someone free from body image issues overnight. After 15 years in recovery from eating disorders, I acknowledge that the reflection in the mirror no longer compels me to harm myself. I aspire to be healthier—aware of the right paths to take and knowing they are within my reach. Achieving my goals will require hard work, perseverance, and the belief that I am deserving of success. I’ve spent too long hiding behind excuses. The body I inhabit isn’t as terrible as I once thought; it simply requires some care and compassion, and my heart needs to practice forgiveness. I am deserving of love and happiness. What is the purpose of this self-inflicted misery? Ultimately, it is me, not others, who judges my worth based on my size.
Acceptance cannot be forced; it must come organically. Just like love, self-acceptance finds you when you’re least expecting it. I stand on the brink of a significant change, shifting my outlook on life. I’m not certain how this transformation occurred, but I know that I am evolving from within. While I’ll continue to dream of long, lean legs and toned arms, I am embracing the love I have for myself in the present. My body doesn’t fit a conventional mold, but that doesn’t diminish its value. The beauty that lies within me eclipses any superficial standards I once pursued. I don’t judge those around me based on their looks, and I doubt they do the same to me. We cherish the essence of a person, not their exterior.
It’s time I offer myself the same unconditional love I readily extend to others.
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In summary, my journey towards body acceptance has been transformative. I am learning to appreciate my body and the experiences it has gifted me, while also recognizing the importance of inner beauty over superficial standards.