My children shouldn’t be pitied because of my body size. This shouldn’t require clarification, but here we are.
“OMG, I can’t believe your family has to live with your gross fat body!”
This was an actual comment on an essay I wrote discussing my experiences in a larger body. I often share these stories, as they foster connection and reduce feelings of isolation. Writing helps me articulate my emotions and allows me to engage with others who share similar journeys. I deeply value my work and community, and no troll will deter me.
Before anyone suggests that I should simply accept these comments as part of sharing my life online, save your breath. I’ve heard it all before and I’m done with it.
No, we must strive to be better. I shouldn’t have to lower my expectations for basic human kindness. While I understand that the internet can be cruel, it’s perfectly reasonable to express frustration over it.
Insulting a stranger simply because you disagree with their perspective is unnecessary. Choosing silence is a valid option on social platforms.
The individual who commented didn’t genuinely believe my husband and children were suffering due to my weight. It’s absurd to think that. Such remarks are simply hurtful, and I still can’t comprehend why people feel compelled to be unkind online.
My kids are not being raised to feel shame about bodies, including mine. We reject the toxic ideals of diet culture in our home. To them, I am not just their fat mom; I am their mom—someone who bandages their scrapes, comforts them in tough times, and, of course, covers the costs of our Target outings.
They are content. They don’t require pity. They are grateful for our life together, which is fulfilling and rich in experience.
Feeling sorry for a child because their parent doesn’t meet your arbitrary standards is disheartening. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and many can be happy and healthy. If you think a fat mother is the worst thing that can happen to a child, you’re overlooking far greater issues.
Children globally lack basic necessities like clean water and healthcare. In some parts of the world, girls are still deprived of education, while others endure daily abuse by those meant to protect them.
Let’s invest our time and resources in addressing these critical issues instead of worrying about my healthy, privileged children, who are thriving in a supportive environment. My greater concern is that they learn to appreciate their privilege and advocate for those without it.
What’s far worse than my kids’ experiences is when children grow up in homes where cruelty and judgment are the norm. Even if they aren’t suffering now, that mindset could lead to future pain for them.
We cannot predict how our children’s bodies will change over time. A slender child might grow into a larger adult. Imagine how devastating it would be if your child internalizes your negative comments about body size and feels inadequate in their own skin.
Mean-spiritedness is not limited to online interactions; it can be learned at home. If children overhear disdainful remarks about others, it could breed self-hatred within them.
The conversations we have in front of our kids are impactful. Our words can shape their self-image and worldview. They should not witness their parents making broad judgments about others, whether it’s regarding body size or more serious issues like racism, xenophobia, or homophobia.
When you display unkindness to strangers, you risk raising a child who mirrors that behavior. Even worse, you might crush their spirit, leading them to believe they will never be good enough for you.
It’s disheartening when strangers hurl insults my way, but I’m an adult—I can brush it off and remain confident in who I am. I don’t need validation, nor do my children need pity. Our life is fulfilling, and I wish for trolls to consider the example they set for their own kids.
So, for the sake of your children, please strive to do better. They deserve more than a snarky parent who thinks body shaming is acceptable.
If you’d like to read more about similar experiences, check out this other blog post. For those considering home insemination, resources like Mount Sinai’s infertility resources can be incredibly helpful. You can also find valuable insights on natural cycle IVF.
Summary
Fat-shaming online comments are hurtful and unnecessary. Children growing up in environments where body shaming is normalized may internalize negative beliefs about themselves. It’s crucial for parents to model kindness and acceptance to foster a supportive atmosphere for their kids. By focusing on kindness and empathy, we can break the cycle of cruelty and help our children flourish.