There’s something undeniably amusing about flatulence that makes kids erupt into giggles every time it happens. It’s simply hilarious. Whether it’s a loud blast or a silent but deadly surprise, farts have a way of tickling the funny bone.
Even as an adult in my 30s, I find it hard to suppress a chuckle when I accidentally let one slip in a crowded train or an elevator, discreetly checking to see if someone catches the scent with a look of disgust or a finger to their nose. Dr. Seuss had a point when he said, “Adults are just outdated children.”
In professional settings, however, flatulence can be quite embarrassing. If it’s loud enough for a colleague to hear or pungent enough to raise an eyebrow, I feel the heat of mortification. Most of the time, I’m blissfully unaware of my own toots—unless, of course, my 4-year-old son is around.
He has an uncanny ability to notice every single instance when I pass gas. I recently came across an intriguing trivia fact stating that an average person farts about 14 times a day. I mentioned this to a friend, and we decided to test it out the next day. Either that statistic was way off, or we both excelled at flatulence, as we both exceeded that number—by quite a lot.
Not only does my little guy catch me in the act, but he also assumes I’m responsible for any noise or smell that even remotely resembles a fart. Whether it’s the creaking of door hinges, the popping of bubble gum, or the sound of someone walking past a manhole, I can count on my son to exclaim, “Mommy, you farted!” While I try to mimic the sound to prove my innocence, it’s a futile effort.
His impulse to announce my alleged offenses is unstoppable. It seems he cannot resist the urge to make a grand proclamation, regardless of the setting—be it in line at Costco, at a birthday party with potential mom friends, or in a park filled with onlookers. Each time it happens outside the sanctuary of our home, I shoot him the “not in public” look, recalling the time he loudly declared in a store that “the baby is going to come out your vagina!” when I pointed out a pregnant woman. Rookie mistake, I suppose, being a first-time mom.
At home, my son unleashes a torrent of potty talk that includes endless variations of “fart,” “toot,” and “poop.” During the opening theme of his beloved Paw Patrol, he quips, “No toot’s too big, no fart’s too small!” to which I respond with a stern “Colin!” and raised eyebrows.
“What?” he asks innocently, as if unaware of why I’d interrupt his playful distortion of a catchy children’s tune. Later, when I inquire about dinner options, he’ll respond with laughter, “Tooty poop with farts on the side.” He finds such humor in this that I’ve even considered serving him something truly gross, like a piece of dog poop on a plate, just to see if it would curb his obsession with potty words. Clearly, my previous attempts haven’t worked, including a recent conversation where I asked him why he feels the need to call me out every time I fart.
“Because! You might not know that you farted,” he responded with all the logic of a four-year-old.
“So? I really don’t need to know,” I replied.
“Yes, you do! Because…you farted!” he insisted.
Given that this is the same child who insists on sitting next to me on a stool while I use the bathroom, I should have expected this reaction. Admonishing him hasn’t been effective, nor has reasoning with him—something that seems to be an oxymoron when dealing with preschoolers. So, tonight I opted for a different approach and decided to embrace his silliness while potentially encouraging him to eat more vegetables.
“Hey Colin, want to hear a super silly song?” I asked at dinner. “It starts like this: ‘Beans, beans, the magical fruit…’”
If you’re looking for more insights into parenting and home insemination, be sure to check out this article that dives deeper into the topic. For a comprehensive guide on fertility options, this Wikipedia page is an excellent resource. Also, Intracervical Insemination offers valuable information on related subjects.
In summary, while farting may be a source of endless laughter for kids, it can lead to some embarrassing moments for parents. My son’s unyielding need to point out every instance of flatulence, especially in public, is something I’m still learning to navigate. For now, I’ll continue to embrace the silliness and perhaps use it as an opportunity to bond with him.