Dear Barbie,
Ending a long-term relationship is never easy, and this one hits particularly hard. As I closed the Rubbermaid lid over your resting place, gazing at your iconic blue eyes one last time, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. You will truly be missed.
Please don’t blame yourself for the conclusion of our nearly decade-long bond. This isn’t about you, or even me—despite my frequent complaints about your wardrobe scattered everywhere, the Dream House in disarray, and your Camper blocking the basement. The truth is, our lives have become too busy with soccer, piano lessons, and real horseback riding. We don’t even have bath time together anymore, which used to be our cherished moments.
It’s essential for you to know that this decision has nothing to do with your appearance, which has faced criticism over the years. I have real-life friends who possess impossibly slim waists and perfect figures, flaunting long hair and flawless makeup. They run marathons, practice yoga, and manage their calories, yet they are so much more. These women are also dedicated volunteers, generous friends, and caring neighbors. They embody strength and positivity—just like YOU.
I never expected you to be a body image role model for my daughters; that’s my responsibility, and I’ve done my best. Your role was to spark imagination, which you did brilliantly. You helped my kids run a veterinary clinic, own a school, and manage a clothing store. Thanks to you, they hosted extravagant fashion shows, pool parties, and horseback riding events. Some days, they played house and raised babies, while other days, they performed surgeries, filled cavities, or flew a plane to Disney. Those were hours filled with joy.
And you never once complained. Not when you were buckled into a Corvette alongside Cinderella Barbie and launched down the stairs, not when a disastrous haircut left you in disarray, and certainly not when you lost a foot during a freak encounter with a visiting dog. You always brought your cheerful spirit, ready to embrace whatever adventure awaited.
Life hasn’t been simple for you, either. You faced a very public divorce, joined the military, endured media scrutiny, and even at 50, you’re still compared to other dolls. Yet, through it all, you held your head high and kept moving forward.
Regrettably, Barbie, there’s no turning back. Little girls inevitably grow up, and it’s time to part ways. I’ve already sold the Dream House (at a loss, unfortunately), listed the car, yacht, and plane on Craig’s List, and sent your friends—Skipper, the Disney Barbies, and those other brunettes—off to Goodwill, hoping new families will welcome them. I even found a new home for the Barbie jeep and scooter, where different little girls can enjoy them. It’s truly over.
However, I want to express my gratitude. Thank you for demonstrating that a fancy ball gown can pair with cowboy boots for any occasion. Thank you for embracing the stories my daughters created for you daily. Even though your outfits occasionally veered too far and your makeup was overdone, I appreciate that we could have a Barbie for whatever my kids imagined, whether as a soccer player, princess, surfer, or doctor. We somehow dodged your drag queen phase, but I suspect even that would have been entertaining.
As I tuck you away for now in the attic, know that your memory will always live on in our hearts. I hope that someday—if fate allows—you’ll return to our lives when my daughters have daughters of their own. I’ll welcome you back with open arms, maybe even with a new environmentally friendly Dream House.
Despite being just a doll, you’ve been so much more. You’ve been a gateway to imagination and a source of creativity in our home. Your impact has been remarkable.
Goodbye for now, Barbie. Until we meet again.
Love,
Me
P.S. I’m glad you never took Ken back; I always thought he was coasting on your fame. No one’s hair looks that perfect all the time.
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