There’s an abundance of mommy groups on Facebook, catering to different towns, age groups, interests, and even humorous takes on parenting. Regardless of their focus, these groups primarily consist of mothers navigating the journey of raising children.
As a member of several of these groups, I’ve noticed a wide array of discussions, from recommendations for the best strollers to the latest in skincare. Most exchanges are light-hearted; however, they can quickly escalate into heated debates reminiscent of reality TV drama. During these times, moderators are faced with the tough task of either deleting the original posts, closing down comment threads, or even removing members—a demanding role often taken on without compensation.
Recently, amidst the Black Lives Matter protests, the topic of race and parenting emerged in all of my mom groups. The discussions grew intense and amassed hundreds of comments, which was not surprising given the significance of the issue. What was unexpected, however, was the response from the groups. One group shut down entirely following calls for a diverse moderator team before eventually reopening with added moderators. Another group fractured into different factions, while a third opted to delete conversations about race, branding them as political and therefore unsuitable for discussion.
The rationale behind removing these vital conversations rests on the flawed argument that race has no relevance in parenting. This perspective, however, is fundamentally misguided. Racism is not merely a political issue; it is a critical human rights concern. To assert that race lacks a place in parenting discussions necessitates an overly restrictive definition of what parenting entails—one that would also call into question the relevance of many other topics typically discussed in these groups.
It’s common to see posts about skincare or home appliances in mommy groups, which arguably hold less relevance to parenting than discussions about race. While you can parent without a fancy dishwasher or wrinkle cream, engaging with your children about race and racism is essential. Ignoring this topic is a privilege that marginalized parents do not have. Race is inherently linked to the parenting experience for many, especially for parents of color.
Excluding race from mommy groups dismisses the daily realities faced by parents of color. We all desire the best for our children, whether it’s finding a moment of peace with our lukewarm coffee or seeking genuine connections with other mothers. As we navigate parenting in 2020, we must recognize that our conversations can extend beyond diaper rash or book recommendations to encompass deeper societal issues, including the justice system.
Furthermore, while it’s true that these groups are voluntary and members can leave if they disagree with the rules, the influence and power of these groups cannot be underestimated. The information shared within them can significantly impact businesses and communities. People of color should not have to choose between accessing crucial community resources and finding a supportive environment for discussing their experiences.
As mothers, we are tasked with shaping the next generation, and it is our responsibility to equip them with the tools necessary to engage in meaningful dialogues about race. If we cannot hold these conversations ourselves, how can we expect our children to do better? Words wield power; they can heal or harm, and it’s imperative that we foster constructive dialogue rather than allowing misunderstandings to escalate.
Moderators face a challenging role as they navigate complaints and manage discussions. Incorporating moderators from diverse backgrounds can help ensure conversations remain respectful and productive, avoiding the chaos of a reality TV showdown. While it may not be feasible to represent every culture and race, having varied voices is essential for enriching the dialogue.
In this era, where protests and calls for change resonate throughout society, it is vital to acknowledge that our children are exposed to multifaceted messages daily. Conversations about race are integral to parenting and cannot be ignored without invalidating the experiences of parents of color. Moms must harness their collective strength to advocate for change and support one another in these significant discussions.
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In summary, it is crucial for Facebook mommy groups to embrace discussions about race rather than censoring them. These conversations are vital for the growth and understanding of all parents, particularly in our diverse society.