In 2013, a captivating series burst onto our screens, introducing us to the lives of women in prison through the lens of Piper Johnson, portrayed by Taylor Schilling. Based on the memoir of Piper Kerman, this comedy-drama entertained audiences for seven seasons, delving into the complexities and humor of life inside Litchfield Penitentiary. As Piper navigates her sentence for transporting illicit funds, she reconnects with her former partner, Alex Vause, interpreted by Laura Prepon. The show not only highlights Piper’s adjustment to prison life but also reveals the rich backstories of her fellow inmates and the circumstances that led them there.
The series is celebrated for its blend of poignant narratives and sharp wit, often revealing character personalities through clever, dark humor. Here’s a collection of memorable quotes from the beloved characters of the show that encapsulate both their humor and depth.
Memorable Quotes from “Orange Is The New Black”
- “I’ve been here for just under two weeks and have faced starvation, harassment, and even been compared to Taylor Swift.” – Piper
- “No offense, but having men in charge has never worked out well for me.” – Tia
- “I owe my younger self 23 years of thrilling experiences with multiple lovers.” – Natasha
- “I’m not insane; I’m one of a kind.” – Miranda ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “You’re still attractive. You’re a terrible person, but undeniably attractive.” – Warden Cummings
- Flaca: “A test? Oh hell no, I’m horrible at those! I get all jittery and can’t think.”
Blanca: “That’s just a cover for being dumb.” - “Feel free to chalk my genuine sadness up to my period.” – Piper
- Pennsatucky: “Are you really going to let all the men die out?”
Big Boo: “Absolutely not; we need them for labor—cleaning, errands, the usual.” - “My mom always said silence can be the noisiest thing, but she never really knew when to be quiet.” – Morello
- “A tunnel, really? That’s so cartoonish.” – Val
- “Girl, if being grateful paid the bills, we’d all be millionaires!” – Cindy
- “If you’re planning to murder someone, vision is essential. It’s quite basic—step one: choose your target. Step two: eliminate them.” – Natasha
- “This meal resembles something a walrus would regurgitate to feed its least favorite offspring.” – Alex
- “This year, I’m in love with someone who truly deserves it—me!” – Miranda ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “Poison is beneath you, that’s for witches and bored housewives, not badass women with tattoos.” – Natasha
- “According to this career test, I should be an athlete, a ranger, or a correctional officer. Did you just suggest that an inmate should become a guard? What is wrong with you?!” – Nicky
- “It’s not dying that’s hard; it’s having to do it here with you losers.” – Rosa
- “She’s into girls. They’re being all lovey-dovey together.” – Tia
- Pennsatucky: “So, what are you guys playing?”
Nicky: “A game that’s been around forever.”
Pennsatucky: “Sounds cool. What’s it called?”
Nicky: “Exclusion.” - “What? I’m bored! Can’t we have a race war? That’d be exciting!” – Cindy
- “Look at this rock I found—it resembles a one-ball penis. I’m calling it my Lance Armstrong rock.” – Piper
- “I once thought you were a vibrant bloom, but now you’re just a withered flower. That’s okay; we all have our paths.” – Miranda ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “Are you envious that I’m kind of attractive now, and you’re not?” – Tia
- “Did you ever see that movie where a cowboy rules a castle, then an astronaut shows up and chaos ensues, and they end up best friends?” – Morello
- “From now on, just call me Jesus because I just performed a miracle.” – Sophia
- “Congratulations, you’ve officially ruined a man’s life.” – Fig
- Nicky: “What’s your deal, blondie? What did you do?”
Piper: “Aren’t you not supposed to ask that? I read that somewhere.”
Nicky: “You studied for prison?” - “All problems are dull until they’re your own.” – Natasha
- “I believe this world is flawed, and if you can seize a moment of joy, hold onto it for as long as you can.” – Poussey
- “Adding icing to a crap cake doesn’t improve the flavor.” – Nicky
- “This is the loneliest place I’ve ever been, and I once lived in a tree for eight months!” – Soso
- “I threw my dessert for you.” – Miranda ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “I’m into attractive girls and boys. I’m into attractive people. What can I say? I’m shallow.” – Piper
- Big Boo: “There’s no such word as ‘knifes.’”
Lorna: “No? Then what does Tony do to Bernardo in West Side Story? He knifes him.” - “If your mind starts slipping, just let me know, and I’ll give you a mercy kill so you don’t end up in the psych ward.” – Gloria
- “She disrespected me, and now I’ve got to take her out.” – Tia
- “Is this the bus to hell?” – Poussey
- “Did your mom mix whiskey in your baby bottle or blend it into the dog food?” – Nicky
- “You can cheat on your wife with hookers who indulge your diaper fetish and still be a senator, as long as you apologize.” – Judy
- Taystee: “If George R.R. Martin wrote about prisons, I’d be like…the Hand of the Warden.”
Poussey: “Doesn’t the Hand always end up dead in those books?” - “I’m a gangster—with an ‘A’ at the end.” – Piper
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In conclusion, “Orange Is The New Black” provided us with a unique blend of humor and heartfelt stories, reminding us of the complexities of life, friendship, and resilience, even behind bars.