Updated: March 9, 2020
Originally Published: April 18, 2019
In my household, I have a 12-year-old son and a four-year-old daughter. With three kids, there’s a noticeable age gap between the oldest and the youngest. While I won’t delve into the details behind that, it’s clear that my daughter is just stepping out of toddlerhood, while my son is navigating preteen challenges.
Interestingly, I’ve observed some striking similarities in their behaviors. While one communicates more effectively, both display tendencies toward frustration, get easily offended, and are unafraid to voice their opinions—often acting as the self-proclaimed experts in the room.
Whether I’m in a standoff over my daughter’s refusal to wear shoes or negotiating shower time with my son, their shared behaviors have become apparent. This realization resonated with me while reading insights from Dr. Sarah Dawson, a prominent figure in youth development research. During her keynote at the University of Utah’s symposium on educational reform, she made a compelling statement: “In terms of development, adolescents and toddlers are on remarkably similar paths, each grappling with the transition to their next life stage without fully developed coping mechanisms.”
Dr. Dawson elaborated on the emotional turmoil faced by both age groups. “Toddlers often resort to tantrums to express their frustrations due to a lack of communication skills. In contrast, teenagers experience a developmental hijacking of the brain’s emotional center, which influences their behaviors significantly. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought, continues to mature into the mid-20s or even later.”
Mid-20s? That’s quite a revelation!
Why This Matters
So, why is this important? From a parenting perspective, it offers valuable insights into my son’s behavior. Emotionally, he’s a whirlwind. He’s always hungry, and after teaching him how to make pancakes, he seemed convinced he was ready for independence. Despite being a bright, well-mannered young man with a social life, understanding that he is still emotionally developing—much like my toddler daughter—has shifted my perspective.
I admit to feeling differently about my son after reading Dr. Dawson’s insights. While he may still frustrate me at times, I now recognize that just as my youngest struggles with communication, my son is similarly wrestling with emotional regulation, and that growth takes time. This understanding has helped me adjust my expectations and foster open dialogues about his feelings, rather than dismissing his actions as mere defiance.
The Broader Implications
On a broader societal level, grasping the emotional development of teenagers is crucial. Dr. Dawson’s work centers on addressing the troubling school-to-prison pipeline, highlighting how educators and law enforcement often respond to behaviors without comprehending their developmental roots. With over 30 years of experience in creating programs for at-risk youth, she emphasizes the importance of fostering an educational environment where adults are trained to understand developmental behavior rather than simply reacting.
That last thought—“reacting to what they don’t understand”—strikes a chord for us as parents. I recall my own challenges understanding toddlers, often expecting the unexpected. Now, I anticipate similar challenges with my son as he navigates his teenage years. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to respond emotionally, especially when juggling various responsibilities.
However, Dr. Dawson’s observations remind us that each developmental stage brings its own hurdles. Acknowledging that teenagers are still emotionally growing, akin to toddlers, can help us find the calm we sometimes struggle to maintain and make sense of their emotional ups and downs.
Further Reading
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Summary
Experts are highlighting the developmental similarities between teenagers and toddlers, suggesting that both age groups experience significant emotional challenges as they transition to the next stage of life. Understanding these parallels can provide parents with valuable insights into their children’s behavior and foster healthier communication.