I recently found myself at a gathering for a family member, catching up with relatives and friends I hadn’t seen in years. As I walked in with two of my four children, several parents couldn’t help but comment on how much the kids had grown. They all shared stories about their own kids, now navigating the teenage years.
With an earnestness that made me a bit uneasy, they all seemed to echo the same warning as they pointed to my tween daughter: “Just wait.” They spoke of the trials of parenting teenagers—bad attitudes, drinking, the pitfalls of social media, and complicated romantic entanglements. My partner and I exchanged that knowing look that couples who have been in it for the long haul share, signaling that we’d need to have a deeper conversation about this later.
On the drive home, we reflected on those interactions. Is raising teenagers really the toughest stage for parents? Here we are, managing four kids, including two tweens, and it often feels pretty overwhelming. Maybe it’s the sheer number of kids, or perhaps it’s the whirlwind of emotions that comes with raising tweens alongside a first grader and a toddler. Each day seems to present us with fresh challenges.
Why is it that every seasoned parent seems to caution us about the teenage years, as if they’re the pinnacle of difficulty, yet there’s little guidance on the tween stage? Where’s the public service announcement for those parenting kids aged 9 to 12? Better yet, is there a class or support group for those of us trying to navigate these tricky tween years?
What Makes Raising Tweens So Tough?
Let’s start with puberty—the rollercoaster ride of hormone changes that typically begins for girls between ages 9 and 13 and for boys between ages 10 and 14. This alone could warrant a few parent-child heart-to-hearts or at least a well-stocked wine cabinet for us parents.
Add in the challenges of technology, and it’s a recipe for chaos. With rising rates of anxiety and depression linked to social media, we’re not just dealing with body image issues; mental health is a major concern. Schoolwork also ramps up significantly during these years, with increasing pressure and stress that can be overwhelming for kids—when did 10-year-olds need to be prepped for college?
And let’s not even get started on the questions. My tweens have posed some rather awkward inquiries about topics like sex, usually right at bedtime when I’m just about ready to collapse. There’s no manual for these conversations, but I’d much rather they hear the answers from me than from their friends.
The Bright Side of Parenting Tweens
Despite the challenges, parenting tweens isn’t all doom and gloom. Kids in this age group still embrace some playful activities, like playing with dolls or coloring, especially if their younger siblings are around. They’re also not too cool to spend time with family members yet, which is a blessing. Occasionally, they even choose to watch a nostalgic “baby” movie, reminding us of simpler times.
There are still plenty of teachable moments, as tweens are open to learning about essential life skills. This includes everything from table manners to making thoughtful choices in friendships. They’re discovering their passions and often trying out a range of extracurricular activities.
One of the best parts? We’ve moved past diapers and potty training. None of my kids are attached to a pacifier anymore, and I’ve successfully sent three off to kindergarten without losing my sanity. The older ones can prepare their own snacks and get themselves ready, which is a beautiful thing.
I see parenting tweens as a unique privilege. Their curiosity about the world keeps me engaged, and I still have the chance to tuck them in with a hug and a kiss. Yet, I can feel their independence growing, and the shift towards adolescence is a little intimidating. I remember what I was like as a teen, and let’s just say, karma is a concern.
I wish more experienced parents would share their insights on the tween years rather than just warning us about the teenage phase ahead. Tweenhood is a critical time for growth for both parents and children, and we could all use a little encouragement. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here googling vaping statistics.
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Summary
Parenting tweens can be just as challenging as raising teens, yet it often gets overlooked. The complexities of puberty, technology, and increased academic pressures are just some of the hurdles parents face during this stage. However, there are still plenty of sweet moments and opportunities for growth. As parents, we need to support one another through these unique experiences.