“Don’t you ever set that baby down?”
“Are you worried about spoiling him?”
“Start teaching him to self-soothe before it’s too late.”
These were actual comments directed at me when my children were just newborns. Yes, not even a few months old—these remarks came when they were tiny, fresh from the womb. Friends, family, and even healthcare professionals questioned whether my constant holding would spoil them.
In hindsight, I realize how ridiculous those comments were. My sons are now 4 and 9, and they rush past me so quickly that I often find myself begging them to sit with me for a cuddle, just like they used to. Back then, though, I wasn’t certain that they would eventually become independent, so the judgment stung.
The truth is, holding my babies almost around the clock was not merely a choice; it was a necessity. If I set them down, they cried inconsolably. Sure, I could have let them cry it out, and perhaps they would have learned to self-soothe, but every instinct in me screamed to pick them up whenever they wailed. I followed those instincts, even when met with disapproving glares.
As it turns out, my instincts were spot on. Research supports the idea that babies genuinely need to be held when they’re upset—not just because they’re adorable and comforting, but because it’s crucial for their health and development. A recent study published in Pediatrics examined the long-term effects of skin-to-skin contact on premature infants, revealing that those who received such care had higher IQs, larger areas of gray matter in their brains, and even earned higher wages in adulthood compared to those who did not. Furthermore, these infants exhibited less hyperactivity and aggression in school and had fewer absences.
While this study focused on premature babies—who require extra love and care—similar findings have been observed in full-term infants. A 2012 study from the Cochrane Pregnancy and Childbirth Group found that full-term babies receiving skin-to-skin care in their early days experienced better cardio-respiratory stability, higher breastfeeding rates, and less crying.
The benefits of holding your baby extend well beyond those initial moments after birth. An earlier study from Pediatrics demonstrated that cuddling has a significant impact on a baby’s satisfaction and feeding frequency. Additionally, carrying your baby throughout the day can greatly reduce fussiness and colicky symptoms, particularly during that challenging six-week peak.
Want more evidence? Research shows that holding your baby during painful medical procedures—like vaccinations—can significantly lessen their pain experience. Skin-to-skin contact has critical benefits for breastfeeding success, and no matter the feeding method, holding babies fosters deep parent-child bonding.
For those interested in diving deeper into the science, Dr. Lisa Martin, a pediatric expert, explains that infants’ brains are in a key developmental stage during their first few months and are not yet fully formed. The type of care they receive during this critical period is paramount for optimal brain development.
Dr. Martin notes, “The amygdala is undergoing crucial maturation within the first two months after birth.” This brain structure is vital for emotional learning and memory. Skin-to-skin contact stimulates the amygdala, contributing to its development.
I could go on, as a wealth of studies supports the claim that there is no way to spoil a baby—absolutely none. In fact, most research indicates that insufficient holding can be detrimental to a baby’s health and development.
Sometimes, I wish I could travel back in time and share this wealth of knowledge with those who criticized my decision to keep my babies close. However, I was likely too fatigued and overwhelmed to engage in debates. Thankfully, most mothers possess strong instincts, and they don’t require studies to understand that their baby belongs in their arms. The notion of spoiling a baby is, quite simply, a myth.
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In summary, the belief that you can spoil a baby by holding them is a misconception supported by a multitude of scientific studies. These studies highlight the essential role of physical closeness in fostering healthy development and emotional security in infants.