When we talk about “friendship audits,” there are various perspectives to consider. For example, Jamie Parker shares his viewpoint in “Why I Conduct ‘Friendship Audits’ Annually,” stating that these audits help him assess his connections and ensure he hasn’t let his friends down. Personally, I view friendship audits as a way to evaluate who remains in my life and who may need to be let go. It’s like inspecting a bag of pre-washed lettuce and removing the less-than-fresh leaves. While it would be ideal if every friend passed the test, that’s simply not realistic, which underscores the importance of friendship audits.
Reflecting on Dunbar’s Number, which suggests an individual can maintain about 150 relationships, makes this concept even clearer. This figure includes all types of connections, from romantic partners to acquaintances who might attend your major life events. However, your closest circle, typically about five individuals, requires significant time investment. According to Dunbar, to solidify a friendship in that inner circle, you need to dedicate about 200 hours over a few months. As Sheon Han from the Atlantic notes, maintaining close friendships can be quite costly in terms of time.
Given the limited number of besties we can have and the finite nature of time, it becomes necessary to make some thoughtful decisions. This is where friendship audits become essential. Many of us grew up hearing the catchy phrase: “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver, but the other’s gold.” While this was a lovely idea during our youth, my experience over the years has shown me that not all friendships withstand the test of time.
In my earlier years, many friendships were based on a shared love for cheap drinks, and I remember one friend from my Latin class who I adored but never intended to hang out with outside of school. At that time, our differences in interests made it clear to me that we wouldn’t connect beyond the classroom. Eventually, as life progressed, I naturally began to evaluate my friendships, and some faded away as our priorities shifted.
Interestingly, I found that the friends I distanced myself from were often those who drank heavily. My late-night escapades had turned into a responsibility to be a designated driver, and I realized I no longer wanted to spend my time managing drunken antics. This led me to conduct a very deliberate friendship audit, resulting in significant changes to my social circle.
As I transitioned to adulthood, I sought friendships that reflected my current lifestyle rather than my party days. I bonded with educators and fellow parents who understood the chaos of family life. However, as our kids grew and our paths diverged, it became evident that shared experiences alone were not enough to sustain these friendships.
Ultimately, I recognized that my time was valuable, and I was no longer willing to invest it in relationships simply out of obligation. I began to reshape my friendship audits not just as a means to cut out toxic individuals but as a way to ensure I was nurturing meaningful connections. My inner circle now consists of about six close friends, and I strive to put in the effort required to maintain those bonds.
In this light, perhaps I should follow Jamie’s approach and focus on ensuring my friendships remain strong and fulfilling. By investing the necessary time, I hope that my friendships will endure and thrive.
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In summary, friendship audits are not solely about eliminating toxic individuals from our lives; they are essential for evaluating the quality of our connections and ensuring we invest our time in relationships that truly matter.