As I sit here nervously contemplating my own future, my dear friend Samantha and her partner have just welcomed their second child into the world. With my own child at home—who seems to serve as a constant reminder of my own baby fever—I’m planning to visit them and get my fill of that adorable newborn. It’s the perfect arrangement: I get to enjoy the baby and then hand her back when things get messy. But let’s be real—navigating the chaos of a newborn and a toddler is no small feat.
Moms who have just welcomed a second child deserve all the help and understanding they can get. While it may seem like they are seasoned pros at this parenting thing, each new baby presents its own challenges. So, before you rush over to meet the new addition, keep in mind the etiquette that applies to visiting moms at any stage. Here’s a list of dos and don’ts to guide your visit.
What To Do
DO text before your arrival.
Always give a heads-up when you’re on your way. Phone calls and loud doorbells can disrupt naptime, and nobody wants that! Use a text message to let them know you’re near and to keep the noise to a minimum.
DO be understanding of cancellations.
Sometimes plans have to change. If your friend needs a quiet day to manage her two kids, don’t take it personally. Stay in touch and suggest rescheduling.
DO wash your hands upon entering.
Hygiene is crucial—head straight to the sink or grab some hand sanitizer as soon as you walk in. It’s a small but important gesture to protect that tiny new life.
DO bring coffee or snacks.
Most new parents run on caffeine, so bringing coffee or food is always appreciated. Make sure to bring enough for the breastfeeding mom, her partner, and any older siblings.
DO lend a helping hand with chores.
Whether it’s folding laundry or running errands, offer to pitch in. After all, your friend just brought a new human into the world, and a little help goes a long way.
DO interact with the older child.
Toddlers need attention, especially when a new sibling arrives. Spend time playing with them, even if it means watching the same cartoon episode on repeat or playing games that seem beneath your adult dignity. It will help both the parents and the toddler feel more at ease.
What Not To Do
DO NOT visit if you’re feeling unwell.
Newborns have fragile immune systems, so if you’re sick, it’s best to stay home. You wouldn’t want to spread your germs, especially after a weekend of bowling with your friends.
DON’T kiss the baby.
Just like you wouldn’t greet everyone in the household with kisses, the same rule applies to the new baby. Keep your affection in check to prevent any unnecessary risks.
DO NOT stare at her body.
Your friend may be dealing with the aftermath of childbirth, including physical changes that can be uncomfortable. Respect her space and don’t make her feel self-conscious.
DEFINITELY DON’T comment on how tired she looks.
She’s aware of how she appears. Instead of pointing it out, focus on providing support and encouragement.
DO NOT ask how the baby is sleeping.
If you’re struggling to find conversation topics, it’s a clear sign you should leave. Trust me, the answer will be a chaotic one.
In conclusion, while the transition from one child to two can be challenging, showing your support through thoughtful visits can make a significant difference. Be understanding, be helpful, and above all, be present.