In my years of parenting, one piece of unsolicited advice that has echoed through my journey is the warning to “just wait.” Friends with tweens and teens would eye me with caution while I enjoyed playful moments with my younger children, cautioning me about the inevitable teenage woes. “Just wait until they…” they would say, listing behaviors like talking back, hiding grades, lying, and slamming doors. The thought of my kids becoming difficult was unsettling, but having been a teenager myself (and with my husband once dubbed the “Prince of Teenage Trouble” by his mother), I reluctantly accepted this fate as the norm.
As my children grew older, and their behavior remained largely unproblematic, the warnings only intensified. Parents of rebellious or disconnected teens seemed particularly vocal, their cautionary tales filled with dramatics. “Just you wait! Middle school will bring…” sneaking out, bullying suspensions, drug use, and more shocking scenarios. It was overwhelming and disheartening. Did they really believe that their kids’ choices were a reflection of all teenagers?
I felt a twinge of sympathy for those kids. How could they possibly thrive when their parents expected them to fail? The idea that these parents were broadcasting their children’s mistakes as warnings only fostered a culture of fear and low self-esteem. I refused to buy into the notion that some magical age would turn my children into monsters. We are not all the same, and neither are our kids.
Fast forward to today: my teenagers have not morphed into the wild troublemakers I was warned about. I’m done waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop, and I refuse to believe there’s something wrong with my kids simply because others have had negative experiences. I’ve heard parents say they’d rather their child be a bully than socially awkward, but those traits are not opposites; they are simply different paths.
It’s time to dismantle the stereotype that teenagers must be angsty and withdrawn. As parents, we often brace ourselves for the worst, inadvertently instilling these expectations in our children. Teens should not feel odd for maintaining a strong relationship with their parents, nor should parents feel it’s strange to bond with their teens. The idea that being a friend to my child and being a parent are mutually exclusive is flawed.
I am no longer on edge, anticipating problematic behavior. I choose to foster kindness, openness, and honesty in my relationship with my teens, and they have responded positively. I respect them, offer sound advice, and guide them away from mistakes while cherishing their humor and listening to their stories, even when they’re tangled and complex. I keep their confidences and support their aspirations.
From birth, they’ve been some of my best friends, and I believe this bond will endure through any challenges ahead. Just you wait.
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In summary, let’s break the cycle of negativity surrounding teenage years. We have the power to guide our children positively and redefine what it means to be a teenager today.