I’ve spent 17 years as a stay-at-home mom, and I refuse to apologize for it any longer. It’s time to clear the air: I take immense pride in my time at home. The truth is, I feel incredibly fortunate to have been able to raise my children on my own terms. Yet, I often encounter that confused look from other mothers when I share my experience. Yes, I graduated from a prestigious university (UCLA, to be precise), and I had a fulfilling career prior to motherhood. Now that my kids are off to college, I’m re-entering the workforce.
My Choice to Stay Home
Let me be clear: my decision to stay home wasn’t due to financial constraints or my husband’s desires. I chose this path because I wanted to be present for my children, having experienced firsthand how tough it was growing up with a working mom. I made a conscious choice to be there for my kids. Don’t judge me as lazy or unambitious—being a mother is an endeavor filled with ambition. Nurturing a child is no small feat.
The Challenges of Motherhood
Staying at home was incredibly challenging; it was far from easy, and I often questioned my abilities. There are no manuals or performance reviews to guide you in motherhood. Each day is a guessing game, and no one has a definitive answer on how to parent. There were many moments when I felt like I was failing, but then, out of nowhere, a small victory—a spelling test aced or a solid hit at a softball game—would remind me that I was doing something right. I faced self-doubt throughout those years, and I certainly don’t need anyone else’s judgment to add to it.
Respecting Choices
I’m not looking for sympathy or to be seen as a trophy wife. Before embracing motherhood, I was a newspaper reporter and an editor. My goal was to raise kind-hearted individuals who understood their worth and felt loved. So, to those who judge, keep your opinions to yourself. Women should have the freedom to make choices that suit them—some want to work, while others prefer to stay home. It’s all valid.
Breaking the Cycle
There’s a saying that you either follow in your parents’ footsteps or choose to do things differently. I chose the latter. I vividly remember wishing my mom could be there for field trips or swim meets when I was younger. I wanted to be that involved parent—the one who carpools and attends every event.
A Whirlwind of Activities
I set aside my career for 17 years, embracing a life filled with school runs, household chores, and volunteer work. It was a whirlwind, but it was fulfilling. So, if you’re a working mom, I respect your choices; just reserve your judgment about my decisions. Sure, my meals weren’t gourmet, and I didn’t win any baking contests, but I was dedicated.
Financial Sacrifices
Choosing to stay home meant financial sacrifices, but my husband and I believed it was worthwhile. We wanted to be the primary influences in our children’s lives, avoiding daycare whenever possible. It may not be the only way to raise children, but it was my choice.
Re-entering the Workforce
Now that I’m back in the workforce, with one daughter at UC Berkeley, another heading to UCLA this fall, and one still in high school, I reminisce about those cozy days in sweatpants. But I also relish engaging with adults again, swapping my slippers for stylish heels.
A Message to Stay-at-Home Moms
To all the stay-at-home moms out there, I see you and commend you for your choice. Live your life unapologetically. So, to the woman who used to give me those judgmental looks during school drop-offs, direct that energy inward. I’m wiser now and couldn’t care less what you think of my choices.
Conclusion
In summary, being a stay-at-home mom is a challenging yet rewarding path that deserves respect. Each mother’s journey is unique, and we should uplift one another instead of casting judgment. Whether you choose to work or stay home, celebrate your decision without feeling the need to justify it.