Are you someone who relies on a guiding mantra or phrase to navigate life’s challenges? I certainly am. After grappling with anxiety for many years, my personal motto has become “do it scared.” When feelings of anxiety creep in, I recognize that they stem from fear, prompting me to remind myself: do it scared.
Before I embraced motherhood, I understood the importance of this phrase in my life. Considering a move for college? Do it scared. Wanting to approach someone I found attractive but fearing rejection? Do it scared. Contemplating an application for my dream job while comfortably settled in my current position? Do it scared.
Living with anxiety often leads me to prepare for the unknown. I tend to anticipate the worst-case scenario, driven by the belief that having a backup plan is fundamental (another adage I live by). However, nothing could have prepared me for the sheer terror that accompanies motherhood. Since I was a teenager, I had envisioned being a mother, so the idea of starting a family seemed straightforward—until reality set in.
After marrying and settling into our first apartment, my husband and I eagerly tried for a child. I naively assumed it would be an easy journey, but after months of trying, doubt crept in. Then, in May 2015, just as we made an offer on our first home, I received the joyous news of my pregnancy. For once, I felt pure joy without fear.
Move-in day arrived, and we planned to surprise my sister-in-law with the news while showing her the nursery. She was the first family member we told, and we were excited to share the news with everyone that weekend. Just two days later, at work, everything changed. A moment of panic struck when I noticed blood—an indescribable fear washed over me.
Frozen in place, I reminded myself, “It’s okay, you’re scared; we can do this. Do it scared.” I called my husband and then my doctor to devise a plan. With a few weeks left on our apartment lease, I decided to remain there until I could see a doctor for answers.
My husband picked me up, and we headed for an ultrasound. I was trembling with fear as we entered the office. The technician’s numerous questions felt overwhelming, but I clung to one: “Have you passed any blood clots?” I hadn’t, and for a fleeting moment, I felt hopeful.
After the ultrasound, I was allowed to use the restroom. I walked in, anxious but hopeful, only to discover I had lost my baby. I had become a mother to a child I would never hold, and the terror was suffocating.
The grief of losing our first child was a struggle I feared I might never overcome. New emotions flooded me, and for someone with anxiety, the unfamiliar is daunting. I kept reminding myself: do it scared. I opened up about my experience, listened to other mothers’ stories, and began to heal.
Months later, I found myself pregnant again. This time, however, the joy was overshadowed by fear. The uncertainty was overwhelming. Would this pregnancy last? Should I share the news? Do it scared.
I chose to confide in close friends and family, spreading the word to ensure everyone loved this baby, who deserved to be celebrated, even if my last pregnancy had ended too soon. As weeks passed, we transitioned from fear to excitement. The truth is, confronting fear diminishes its power.
At my 20-week ultrasound, we faced another daunting unknown. Our son had kidney issues, and the emotional weight of carrying a rainbow baby is already heavy enough. I reminded myself: do it scared. I continued my routine, attended appointments, set up the nursery, and even scheduled maternity photos. Gradually, the fear lessened.
Our son was born on June 9, 2016—364 days after losing my first pregnancy. The initial months were filled with medical appointments to address his kidney condition, often leaving us in a “wait and see” situation. Again, I faced the terrifying unknown: do it scared.
As our son grew, we encountered what appeared to be typical developmental challenges: falling behind on growth charts, gross motor skill difficulties, and low hemoglobin levels. I tried to remain calm, repeating my mantra until a routine checkup on October 26, 2017, turned our world upside down. My son and I almost faced hospitalization due to a severe drop in his hemoglobin.
We left the doctor’s office with a rush appointment scheduled with a pediatric oncologist for the next day. The following hours were etched in my memory; I witnessed my husband cry for the first time as we held each other through the night, overwhelmed by fear. Walking into the Pediatric Cancer Center was terrifying, but I again reminded myself: do it scared.
Today, after countless doctor visits, blood tests, a bone marrow biopsy, and genetic testing, we still don’t know the exact cause of our son’s bone marrow failure. Every day, I wake up grappling with fear and uncertainty. Sometimes it takes me an extra fifteen minutes to get out of bed, but I continue to remind myself: do it scared.
Each day I rise, advocate for my son’s treatment, and send him to daycare—worried he might contract an illness—makes me a little stronger. It becomes slightly easier, and I realize the value in facing fear.
I share this narrative not for sympathy but as motivation. Many view fear as a hindrance that keeps them stagnant. I encourage you to see it differently. Each time you confront something that frightens you, you gain strength and hope. Indeed, motherhood is daunting; however, fear can serve as a powerful motivator.
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In summary, embracing fear as a driving force in parenting has made me more resilient and hopeful. By facing the unknown, I continue to grow stronger, proving that fear can be the catalyst for personal growth and triumph.