In a recent piece for a major magazine, Kelly Smith shares her heart-wrenching journey towards surrogacy, detailing her struggles with endometriosis and multiple miscarriages. She candidly describes the emotional turmoil she faced when her fertility specialist advised that surrogacy was her best option for a healthy baby. Kelly’s experiences resonate deeply with many intended parents navigating similar paths, as expressed in my surrogacy blog.
My own experience with surrogacy was marked by its challenges. In 2020, I was expecting my first child, Max. During a routine ultrasound at 24 weeks, we learned that Max was significantly underdeveloped, and the placenta was failing. He was born via emergency c-section at 25 weeks but tragically passed away two weeks later in the NICU. The medical team warned me that a repeat of this situation was highly likely. They suggested I take baby aspirin from the moment I became pregnant again and simply hope for a better outcome. Unwilling to leave our future to chance, my partner and I opted for surrogacy.
From the start, I embraced surrogacy wholeheartedly. I had never felt particularly excited about pregnancy; even before my loss, I worried about weight gain and how my body would change. Once I was pregnant, those concerns faded as I focused on my health. I suffered from severe morning sickness, leaving me feeling ill for most of my pregnancy. Although surrogacy can be costly (around $75,000), we believed it was a worthy investment in both a healthy baby and a healthy mom.
My difficult pregnancy sparked a passion for surrogacy. I think many people underestimate the struggles that pregnancy can entail. Experiencing a challenging pregnancy gave me a newfound appreciation for those that are easier. It also opened my eyes to the potential dangers of pregnancy. My blood pressure, which was typically stable before my pregnancy, shot up significantly after, taking my body a year and a half to recover fully. Pregnancy can indeed be a tough experience.
The trauma I faced is what made finding our surrogate, Emma, such a profound blessing. It’s hard to articulate the gratitude I feel knowing that a woman was willing to dedicate herself to helping us expand our family. After all the grief my partner and I had endured, Emma, a stranger, offered her body and over nine months of her life to help us heal. It’s a privilege I cherish, fully recognizing the risks she took to bring our baby into the world.
I formed a bond with our second son, Leo, through my connection with Emma. From the outset, I believed that our relationship would positively influence him. One way we nurtured this bond was by cooking for Emma weekly. By investing time in preparing meals, we felt we were creating positive energy that would be shared with the baby. While this may not be scientifically proven, it gave us a sense of connection. We also maintained regular communication throughout the pregnancy, sharing stories and ensuring she felt supported. We even created a Spotify playlist and recorded messages for Emma to play for the baby, hoping our voices would be familiar comforts once he arrived.
Honestly, I felt a deeper connection to Leo than I did with Max, largely due to the health challenges I faced during my first pregnancy. Society often paints a rosy picture of pregnancy as a time for mother and child to bond, but that isn’t always the case. However, I must admit that having another woman carry my baby has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.
Those interested in surrogacy can find more resources about the process and emotional journey at Progyny and Intracervical Insemination. For those looking for insights on the latest policies, check out our blog on Japan’s surrogacy laws.
Search Queries:
In summary, our journey to surrogacy has taught us about the profound connections we can form and the importance of support throughout the process. Embracing this path has brought us hope and healing, and we are forever grateful to those who help make it possible.