Embracing Spontaneity in Parenting: Lessons from My Child

Adult human female anatomy diagram chartAt home insemination

December 2, 2023

As I observed my son during his speech therapy session, I sat in a plastic chair across the room from him and his therapist, who I affectionately dubbed The Picture Doctor. It was his first attempt to address his lateral lisp, and the atmosphere was charged with anticipation.

The therapist presented a bingo-like card dotted with circular spaces, each containing an image of a snake in various colors. Nearby, a pile of colorful chips awaited. I watched intently as the session unfolded.

“Can you say ‘Ta’ for me? Like this: ‘Ta, ta,’” she encouraged.

“Ta, ta,” my son echoed, doing his best.

The game was straightforward: for each sound he articulated correctly, he earned a chip to place on the board, aiming to fill every empty space. It should have been simple, right?

Surprisingly, the challenge lay not in his ability to form the sounds or his focus on the task. Instead, it was the game mechanics that stumped him. After earning his first chip, he hesitated, unsure of where to place it. The therapist reassured him he could choose any spot, but confusion clouded his face. This back-and-forth continued until he finally made a selection.

His small fingers placed the chip with great care. Each time, he matched the chip’s color to a corresponding snake on the board. If there wasn’t a matching snake, he sought guidance before making a choice. In that moment, it became clear: my son has a strong desire for order, a trait I had previously overlooked.

A few weeks later, during a road trip home, we stopped at a gas station where my son was captivated by a display of ceramic bells. I soon heard the delightful sound of jingling bells. When I informed him it was time to leave, he protested, determined to arrange the blue bells in a neat line. It was a familiar scene, one I had come to expect.

This desire for structure isn’t surprising. I, too, thrive on organization and routine, often feeling overwhelmed when life deviates from the plan. But seeing my son mirror my tendencies filled me with concern. Have my habits unconsciously molded his behavior? Is this need for order innate, or has my structured environment influenced him?

Since his birth, our daily routine has been meticulously organized. We’re up by 7:30 a.m. Monday through Friday, with a consistent schedule that includes work, meals, and bedtime. My commitment to my career has inadvertently subjected him to the predictability of adult life, where every moment seems to have a purpose.

Would my son behave differently if I had chosen to be a stay-at-home parent? I can’t say for certain. What I do know is the importance of incorporating spontaneity into our lives. My son has unwittingly reminded me of the value of stepping away from the rigidity of routine.

As a parent, it’s crucial for both my son and me to break free from the constraints of our structured lives. Whether it’s indulging in ice cream before dinner or taking an unplanned drive to admire holiday lights, these moments of spontaneity are vital. My son may not yet exhibit my level of obsession with order, leaving me hopeful that I can inspire in him a love for unpredictability and delightful chaos.

One thing is certain: I will never again squander a vacation day. We need those breaks, and they far outweigh the typical eight hours of pay. Thanks to my son and The Picture Doctor, I am learning to embrace the unplanned.

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