I vividly recall my initial session with my therapist. She asked me to list words that encapsulated my character or aspects I appreciated about myself. Shockingly, I could only muster five. It felt rather disheartening.
In the beginning, my self-criticism overshadowed any positive reflections. With time and encouragement from my therapist, I unearthed a lengthy list of admirable traits from deep within. I still keep this list stashed away in a desk drawer. The process of acknowledging these qualities was challenging, especially since I was entrenched in a mindset of low self-worth. I had to consciously redirect my thoughts from negativity to positivity—an uphill battle for my naturally pessimistic brain.
To this day, this struggle persists. Although my therapist advised me to revisit that list, I rarely do. Nevertheless, that exercise illuminated the fact that I was grappling with chronic insecurity and low self-esteem. Such a mindset was unproductive and detrimental. Now, as I navigate parenthood, my greatest desire is to model confidence and self-love for my children, ensuring they embrace their true selves without hesitation.
Insecurities: A Constant Companion
Throughout my life, insecurities have been my constant companions. Who hasn’t felt that way at times? I distinctly remember my childhood, where making decisions often required significant encouragement. I was a perpetual people-pleaser, yearning for validation. However, the reality is that we cannot control who likes us, much like we can’t pacify a temperamental toddler. This relentless pursuit of pleasing others only spiraled into feelings of inadequacy, as my self-worth hinged on external approval. If I didn’t receive enough commendation, I was left feeling disheartened.
Body image has also been a significant source of insecurity for me. At just 15, I felt embarrassed about a slight roll of fat on my slim waist. During school activities, wearing a leotard magnified my self-consciousness as I compared myself to others, fixating on thigh gaps and flat abdomens. It didn’t help that my mother frequently pointed out women on the street, questioning if her figure resembled theirs.
Insecurity can be overwhelming, and I’ve been adept at it my entire life. A comprehensive list of my insecurities could encompass everything from fears about being liked, worries about my performance as a mother, to anxieties about how others perceive me in a swimsuit while playing with my children. Just a few years ago, my inventory of insecurities dwarfed my list of self-appreciation.
A Shift in Perspective
However, I find myself in a different place now, perhaps due to settling into motherhood after 10 years and three kids or approaching my 40s. My chronic insecurity is lifting, and it feels like a refreshing breeze to finally feel at ease in my own skin after years of struggling with low self-esteem.
What has shifted? It’s a blend of therapy, the desire to model self-acceptance for my children, and the realization that others don’t scrutinize me as I once thought. If they do? They likely aren’t my type of people.
Strategies for Breaking the Cycle of Insecurity
I’ve put considerable effort into reaching this point. Here are some strategies that have aided me in breaking the cycle of chronic insecurity:
- Self-Praise: While I don’t proclaim, “I’m amazing!” out loud, I do acknowledge my achievements in my head. When caught in negative self-talk, I actively list my accomplishments, whether large or small. This practice has opened my eyes to the myriad of things I achieve daily, from tackling laundry to clearing off counters.
- Shift Focus: One of the greatest challenges for individuals battling insecurity is shifting attention away from oneself. By focusing on the needs of others—be it my children, neighbors, or friends—I cultivate a sense of self-worth that elevates my self-esteem. Knowing that my family relies on me for everyday tasks strengthens my sense of purpose.
- Seek Internal Validation: I no longer crave external validation. Now, I undertake tasks for my own fulfillment, not for my husband or children’s acknowledgment. By prioritizing my own needs, I derive satisfaction from my accomplishments, learning to gauge my value independently of others.
- Embrace Compliments: While I don’t seek praise, I strive to internalize it when offered. If my child expresses appreciation for my parenting, I try to view myself through her perspective. When someone acknowledges my patience in tough situations, I accept the compliment and use it as motivation for future interactions.
- Stop Comparing: In our social media-driven world, it’s effortless to compare ourselves to others. However, this only leads to feelings of inadequacy. I’ve learned to concentrate on my progress and achievements instead of comparing my life to someone else’s. This shift has made a significant difference.
Negativity is pervasive, and unless we actively combat it, it can envelop us like a dark cloud. I am committed to shining a light on the positivity within myself and my children. By relinquishing my insecurities, I hope to empower my kids to appreciate their unique qualities, inside and out, and to navigate life without the burdens of self-doubt.
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In summary, my journey toward self-love has been challenging yet rewarding. By actively changing my thought patterns and focusing on self-acceptance, I aim to break the cycle of insecurity for both myself and my children.