Recently, I found myself engaged in a game of Candyland with my spirited 3-year-old. He was on the verge of reaching King Kandy’s castle, his excitement palpable. But, as is often the case with this whimsical game, he drew a card that sent him back to Grandma Nutt’s house, leading to a visible frown. He protested vehemently, declaring he wouldn’t go back and wanted to remain right where he was.
I gently reminded him that to truly play, we had to adhere to the rules. I explained that setbacks were a part of the game and that it was fine to play again later, regardless of who reached the castle first. To my surprise, rather than throwing a tantrum, he sulked for just a moment before accepting his fate and continuing the game.
This reaction astonished me, bringing back memories of my older son, Jake, at the same age. He had a similar experience, but instead of accepting disappointment, he dramatically flung the Candyland board across the room. His competitive nature was evident even then, often leading to explosive reactions when he wasn’t winning.
As time went on, playing games with Jake became a challenge. If he wasn’t on top, he’d devise elaborate arguments about why he should win or claim that someone was cheating. I often avoided competitive games with him or insisted he play by the rules and accept losing gracefully. While he improved slightly over the years, he remained focused on perfection and excellence.
Fortunately, he exhibited remarkable intelligence and was tested as gifted. However, I learned that gifted children often struggle with high levels of competitiveness and perfectionism. This was evident when he would become frustrated during simple games like Go Fish.
Fast forward to today—Jake is now 9, and his competitive spirit has evolved. He’s still passionate, but he’s developed a greater self-awareness and has learned to manage his feelings better. Although he still prefers to win, he understands the importance of being a good sport.
What’s truly remarkable is that his competitive drive has transformed into a strong desire to succeed. After receiving a less-than-stellar grade on a math test, he proactively studied harder for the next one. On days when he felt too tired to complete his homework, I’d find him waking up early to finish it without any prompt from me.
Last year, when the third graders received recorders, Jake decided he wanted to master every song in the music book ahead of everyone else. He practiced diligently, impressing his music teacher along the way.
While I take pride in his ambition and drive, I also worry about how he will handle life’s inevitable disappointments. I strive to provide a supportive environment where he can express his frustrations and learn to navigate challenges with resilience. I emphasize the importance of acknowledging his strengths while also addressing areas for growth.
Reflecting on how far he has come since that 3-year-old who once hurled the Candyland board, I feel immense pride in the energetic and determined young man he is becoming. For any parents grappling with a competitive little one, I offer this advice: be patient. Embrace the journey. In time, you’ll witness your child’s fierce spirit blossom into a self-directed force ready to take on the world.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of a competitive child can be daunting, but patience and understanding can lead to growth and self-awareness. Witnessing my son transform his fierce drive into a determination to succeed has been rewarding. With the right support, competitive nature can evolve positively, preparing children to face life’s challenges head-on.