Updated: February 21, 2023
I’ve come to realize that I am, without a doubt, a selfish mom. I discovered this revelation last night when I indulged in the largest bowl of ice cream all by myself—no sharing with my husband or kids. It was all mine.
This morning, I relaxed on the couch with my coffee, catching the first moments of a morning show while my children prepared their own lunches. Sure, I supervised, but the actual sandwich-making was left to my eight- and eleven-year-olds, all while I kept up with the latest news and updates.
Later today, I plan to meet friends for a long, challenging run while my husband and kids are busy with their daily routines. Yes, there’s grocery shopping to tackle, but I’m confident no one will go hungry while I take some time for myself.
Just last week, I enjoyed lunch with a friend, not once but twice, simply to reconnect and share stories about our families and the madness of our lives. And I’ll admit it: I’ve even read two books this month, much of it during the kids’ awake hours. One Sunday afternoon, I spent three glorious hours outside on a chaise lounge, sipping seltzer with lime and soaking up the sun while the laundry piled up inside. Yep, I’m definitely selfish. Or am I?
Every day, I encounter moms who express feelings of guilt about not having time for themselves. They lament about not being able to shower, read a book, or shop for themselves while their kids have new clothes. These statements often come with bittersweet smiles, as if to imply that sacrificing personal joy is just part of motherhood. But I call nonsense on that.
Why Self-Care Matters
Why is it that moms are expected to give endlessly without caring for themselves? Who decided that self-care is a luxury we don’t deserve? As a child, I adored my mother’s closet, filled with beautiful shoes and dresses. She wore those lovely outfits when she went out with my father, not when she was shuttling my brother and me around. My mother taught me the value of treating oneself, whether it’s a nice haircut or a coffee break.
Of course, I understand that during the chaotic years of raising toddlers or infants, it might feel impossible to carve out time for self-care. Nap times and playdates can be overwhelming. However, small moments of indulgence can still be integrated into daily life. Sometimes it’s okay for kids to have the broken cookie, or for mom to say no to pushing a swing in favor of scrolling through social media in the sun.
I’m not suggesting that mothers should completely check out of their duties, but I do wonder when we decided to lose our sense of self for the sake of our children. If we neglect our own needs—physically, emotionally, or spiritually—we cannot be the best versions of ourselves for our families. Taking care of ourselves allows us to handle the challenges of parenting with grace.
Prioritizing Yourself
I know there are days when it feels like an uphill battle just to make it through. But let’s face it: life isn’t going to fall apart if you take ten minutes for a shower. I’m here to say it loud and clear: THE WORLD WON’T END IF YOU PRIORITIZE YOURSELF NOW AND THEN. Your kids will be fine waiting a moment for your attention.
So, take a stand today. Treat yourself to that big bowl of ice cream. Order the extra-large coffee. Go for that extra mile on your run instead of rushing home. You deserve it. And when the little one wonders why they got the broken cookie, just wink and say, “Because I’m the mom, that’s why.”
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Conclusion
In summary, taking time for yourself as a mother is not selfish; it’s essential for your well-being and the happiness of your family. When you nurture your own needs, you become a stronger, more patient, and more fulfilled parent. So go ahead, indulge a little—you deserve it!