As a parent, I often find myself in the position of being the “tough mom,” and honestly, I’m perfectly okay with it. My children frequently express their displeasure with me, whether it’s because I’ve asked them to tidy up the mess they made in the living room or because I’ve cut their gaming time short. Sometimes, I even have the audacity to ask them to pick up after our dog in the backyard or to take their dinner plates to the sink.
I know that I can be a bit of a nagging mom, a strict mom, and on some days, perhaps even the meanest mom ever. Although I consider myself a generally relaxed parent who often says yes to extra screen time, sugary snacks, and later bedtimes, I recognize the importance of setting boundaries. I’m not one to obsess over grades as long as my kids are making an effort and treating their teachers with respect. I might overlook the socks on the floor and let the chaos of their bedrooms slide, but when it comes to raising decent human beings, I have to draw the line.
Of course, this leads to whining, complaints, and even tears. They’ll tell me how their friends have endless Xbox time (which is often exaggerated) or try to convince me that they’ll handle their homework in the morning (spoiler alert: they won’t). They might even claim that Johnny from down the street doesn’t have to clean up after a dog (but Johnny doesn’t own a dog at all).
I’m aware that my kids are often moderately irritated with me. I maintain a close relationship with both of them, providing a safe space for their thoughts, but they frequently express frustration with my expectations or outright anger due to my insistence on rules. Admittedly, it’s not always easy to play the role of the “mean mom.” It can be disheartening to argue with them over the importance of personal hygiene or chores. However, I accept this role because I believe it’s essential for their growth.
I certainly want a healthy relationship with my children. I want them to love, respect, and trust me. But I’m not interested in being their friend. My job is to be their mother, not their peer. I refuse to raise self-centered individuals who lack empathy and common courtesy. I aim for them to grow into kind, considerate people, which sometimes requires me to enforce limits—yes, I need to be “mean” occasionally.
Being a mom means I’ll annoy my kids in countless ways throughout the day. For example, I might sing too loudly in front of their friends or insist they don’t jump out of a moving car in the carpool line. I spoil their dreams of living in squalor by making them bathe and clean up after themselves. I remind them to brush their teeth and wear deodorant. I might even prepare a home-cooked meal or tidy up their baseball cards, all of which could trigger eye rolls and grumbling. If there are consequences for their misbehavior, I can expect to earn a few “mean mom” marks.
In fact, I can irritate my kids a hundred times a day—okay, maybe it’s more like in the hundreds. For instance, I’ve even managed to annoy them by using cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich and cutting it into squares instead of triangles. And if you’re searching for a guaranteed way to upset a child, just clean up the Legos they’ve left in the middle of the kitchen floor while they insisted they were still “playing” with them.
However, I’ve come to realize that making my kids angry comes with the territory of parenting. Embracing the “mean mom” persona is merely one of the responsibilities that come with the privilege of being a parent.
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In summary, while being the “tough mom” can lead to frequent eye rolls and complaints, I believe it is a crucial aspect of parenting. I prioritize my children’s development into kind, respectful individuals over being their friend. Embracing this role, even when it frustrates them, is all part of the journey.