Parenting
By Laura Thompson
Updated: September 9, 2015
Originally Published: September 3, 2015
In fairy tales, stepmothers are often portrayed as cruel, emotionally distant, and universally disliked. When I entered this complex role a decade ago, I braced myself for a challenging journey.
The first encounter with my stepdaughter, Lucy, was an unexpected delight. She approached me wearing her adorable Hello Kitty sunglasses and a fluffy pink coat, extending her arms for a warm embrace while complimenting my shoes. This initial meeting set the stage for a loving and open relationship filled with laughter and style exchanges. We continue to celebrate this moment every year by revisiting the café where we had breakfast that day. At our wedding in 2008, Lucy served as both the flower girl and Maid of Honor, proudly escorting me down the aisle at just seven years old. Our playful banter became a cherished tradition, especially when she would ask, “Guess what?” and I would respond with silly answers. On our wedding day, amidst tears of joy, she looked up and declared, “Guess what? You’re my stepmom now!” This sweet moment only made me cry more. One Mother’s Day, she gifted me a t-shirt that read, “My Stepmom is Wicked Cool.”
As Lucy has matured, our relationship has evolved, shifting towards one of friendship and confidante. Her sense of humor and the joy we share enhance my life daily. Thankfully, our bond resembles a fairy tale, but not the wicked stepmother variety.
Numerous articles highlight the struggles of being a stepmom, often sharing horror stories of difficult stepchildren. Just mentioning that I have a stepchild can elicit grimaces. Being a “childless” stepmother often compounds the negativity. Many resources paint a lonely picture, with one author stating, “The reality is this: If you are a childless woman partnered with someone with children, you are an outsider.”
Fortunately, my experience has been quite the opposite. Loving Lucy has made my role as a stepmom a joyous one. When people commend me for being a great stepmother, I think, how could I not be? Lucy is an incredible person!
Of course, I understand I’m fortunate to have such a wonderful stepdaughter, but the journey hasn’t been without its challenges and criticisms. Thanks to my supportive husband and family, I’ve managed to overlook the naysayers.
Here is my advice for new or struggling stepmoms:
- Avoid negativity: Don’t engage with articles focused on complaints or join forums filled with negativity. Instead, seek out positive resources on blended families.
- Establish rituals: Create traditions that bond your family together. The memories built through our early rituals are among our favorites.
- Ignore gossip: As a stepmom, I became a target for gossip, particularly during Lucy’s elementary and middle school years. Whenever I felt overwhelmed by negativity, I reminded myself that my family relationships were what truly mattered. My husband often joked, “If you play with the pigs, you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”
- Avoid comparisons: Never compete with or criticize other families. Always choose the high road. Your stepchild, husband, and heart will appreciate it!
Recently, we celebrated Lucy’s 15th birthday, marking a decade of shared birthdays. Reflecting on old photos stirs nostalgia for her younger days, but I’m equally excited about the next decade as her stepmom. While her Hello Kitty sunglasses have transformed into stylish Jackie O-types and her fluffy pink coat has been replaced with an army green one, the love and laughter remain unchanged. Our fairy tale continues.
To Lucy and my husband, thank you for allowing me to embrace the role of a stepmom. Wicked or not, it’s a title I wear with pride.
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Summary: Embracing the role of a stepmom can be a rewarding experience, as shown through the bond between Laura and her stepdaughter Lucy. Despite the negative stereotypes often associated with stepmothers, Laura found joy and fulfillment in their relationship, filled with love, humor, and shared traditions. Her advice for new stepmoms emphasizes avoiding negativity, establishing family rituals, and focusing on the growth of their relationships.