I never envisioned myself as a stay-at-home dad, yet here I am. The reality of fatherhood has taken me by surprise—first, I’m a dad? And second, I’m not working? What am I actually doing with my time?
To give you some context, my partner, Rachel, and I went on a quick trip to the Dominican Republic about 13 months ago. Fast forward through a few cocktails and a Zika scare, and we found ourselves as the tired but happy parents of a 4-month-old baby girl.
Having observed friends navigate parenthood over the last couple of decades, I thought I had a handle on what lay ahead. To bolster that belief, we enrolled in various classes—delivery, CPR, and basic baby care. Though I might unintentionally hinder my child’s emotional or intellectual growth, at least she’ll have fresh air and a clean diaper.
With a due date set for January 2, the final trimester coincided perfectly with the holiday chaos. Life became a whirlwind of anticipation and anxiety, a feeling that was impossible to shake—no refunds, no time-outs, no do-overs. Our little one was growing, and with each sonogram, her cherubic cheeks were becoming more pronounced.
During this time, my employer offered a buyout opportunity for my department. The chance to leave my job voluntarily to help reduce company expenses was surreal and, from a life perspective, oddly timely. After years of hesitating to seek new employment, it felt like serendipity that I could essentially be paid to be a stay-at-home dad during my daughter’s early months.
Now, four months in, I can’t imagine handing her off to someone else. I’ve been fortunate to marry someone as accomplished as Rachel, who earns significantly more than I do. The thought of becoming an unpaid stay-at-home dad is daunting, but for now, financial concerns are secondary. It’s the perception that weighs on me.
I thought I’d moved beyond the judgments of others, especially regarding traditional gender roles. However, as a man, I find myself grappling with expectations that men should work and provide. It’s 2023, yet these stereotypes persist. My father and Rachel’s dad, both of whom embody the traditional masculine archetype, seem accepting of my choice. My male friends are generally supportive, though they can’t resist teasing me about my newfound “vacation” (it’s not funded by them, I promise).
Living in a vibrant place like Brooklyn, I’ve spotted fellow stay-at-home dads in my neighborhood. Just the other day, I crossed paths with three others at a CVS. We exchanged knowing nods, acknowledging our shared experience amidst societal stereotypes.
Still, I can’t help but feel a bit irked when an older shopkeeper inquires if I’m on a day off or when someone apologizes for my voluntary departure from work. These encounters trigger an insecurity I thought I’d overcome.
After a day of caring for my daughter and navigating my thoughts about societal norms, I eagerly await Rachel’s return from work. I greet her with a kiss, crack open a beer, and don my apron to prepare dinner (yes, I enjoy cooking). Watching Rachel reconnect with our daughter, while our dog happily prances around, brings clarity to my life.
This is the most significant role I’ve ever taken on. When my daughter wakes up with her toothless grin, there’s no doubt in my mind. I’ve moved beyond spreadsheets and budgets; my priority is to guide her through life without the baggage I carry. How can I inspire her to be fearless, kind, and unconcerned about others’ opinions, all while staying genuine?
She is a part of me, though she has the misfortune of inheriting most of my looks. Ultimately, she will carry forward my legacy. For anyone who doubts my choices or wonders what I do with my time—whether those voices are real or imagined—please step aside. I’m busy.
For more insights on family planning and related topics, check out this post about artificial insemination. If you’re interested in pregnancy resources, the CDC offers excellent information. And for those looking to delve deeper into this subject, visit Sugar Pumpkin.
In summary, my journey as a stay-at-home dad has been filled with unexpected challenges and joys. As I embrace this role, I aim to raise a daughter who is confident and compassionate, while also navigating societal expectations and perceptions.