Let’s get straight to the point: I’m terrible at decorating. There, I said it.
My home is cozy enough—neither too large nor too small—but it bears no resemblance to the beautifully curated spaces featured on home improvement shows. If anything, my place resembles a “before” segment from one of those renovation series.
Picture this: the artwork in our living room is always askew, and a magazine cutout of a Cubs player hangs awkwardly over a family photo. The centerpiece on our dining table? A haphazard collection of seashells leftover from a half-hearted attempt at seasonal decor, despite it being mid-October, the heart of gourd season. And yes, there’s a picture of a donkey taped to the wall, prompting the usual comment from guests: “Why is there a jackass on your wall?”
Honestly, I’m not too bothered by my lack of decorating prowess. Sure, I wish I could channel my inner designer like Joanna, but I’d also love to have Jessica Biel’s physique and Jillian Michaels’ abs—neither of which is happening anytime soon. Why? Because I have kids and pets, and that’s simply why we can’t have nice things.
I’m a bit lazy when it comes to decor. The thought of spending hours hunting for matching throw pillows or figuring out if shiplap would be a good fit for my home feels like a chore. And to be honest, I’m still unclear on what shiplap even is, despite it being all the rage.
Even if I had the time and energy to pursue a Pottery Barn aesthetic, I have zero interest in reminding my children to keep their feet off a white couch or to pick up their Legos from the bowl of artificial gourds. My daily battles consist of getting them to brush their teeth and toss their dirty laundry in the chute that’s literally steps away from their bedroom door.
Let’s not even discuss the state of my guest bathroom—oh wait, I don’t have one! I share a bathroom with three males who are more interested in leaving the toilet seat up than in cleanliness. I’d be thrilled if my bathroom had a toilet seat that remained down and a toilet paper roll that never runs out.
I have to admit, I’m not a fan of HGTV, which might be sacrilege in some circles. It only serves as a reminder of my decorating failures and the general chaos of adulthood. I’ll turn on the channel, feeling okay about my home, but within minutes, I’m questioning all my life choices and feeling the urge to rush to the hardware store for DIY projects I know I won’t finish.
I don’t mean to disparage those who find joy in home improvement shows or spending weekends at the hardware store. If that’s your thing, go for it! But as much as I envy your stylish decor and spacious rooms, I simply can’t keep up. I prefer a minimalist approach and get overwhelmed by too many options. When I try to update one area, it just makes the rest of the house look worse, not better.
So there you have it: I’m not cut out for decorating. As I get older, I care even less. My home resembles a toy store, but not the chic kind—think cheap plastic from a discount retailer. My bedroom furniture is older than my marriage, and I couldn’t tell you the difference between ecru and alabaster if you asked.
And yes, I still have no clue what shiplap is. For more insights into home decor and other parenting tips, you may also want to check out this blog post about home insemination kits. If you’re looking for expert guidance on fertility care, don’t miss Dr. Alex Thompson’s insights. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC provides excellent resources.
In summary, I’m not the decorating type, and the more I embrace that truth, the happier I am in my welcoming, if chaotic, home.