During my first pregnancy, I gained around 50 pounds, a significant change for someone who had long been preoccupied with being thin. For nearly twenty years, I battled disordered eating, viewing exercise as a form of punishment, and perceiving my body as much larger than it truly was. I even spent four years addicted to weight loss pills, repeatedly cycling through bingeing and purging in a misguided attempt to fit societal standards.
Yet, during that time, no one ever checked in on me. And honestly, I wasn’t okay.
A New Perspective on Weight Gain
When I became pregnant for the first time, my body naturally gained weight to nurture the baby girl growing inside me. My OB was ecstatic about the weight gain, joking that the extra “cushion” would facilitate an easier delivery. For the first time, gaining weight felt like an achievement rather than a burden. I had no idea that this was even possible.
Facing My Second Pregnancy
However, my second pregnancy was a different story. I hadn’t lost any weight before becoming pregnant with my son. After countless failed attempts to shed pounds, I finally took a long look at my mom-bod in the mirror and decided to stop the self-destructive cycle. I recognized the stretch marks, cellulite, and extra weight, but I also realized the incredible journey my body had undertaken. It had grown and delivered a child.
At that moment, I chose to embrace and love my body after everything we had been through together. That was two years ago, and I haven’t looked back since. I’m on a path toward self-acceptance, appreciating my plus-sized body, and finally free from disordered eating. Cue Lizzo’s “Good as Hell,” because that’s how I genuinely feel.
Challenges During Prenatal Visits
Then came my second round of prenatal visits, where the new OB, while kind, seemed to focus more on my size than my overall health. I made sure to share my history with food and body image, hoping she’d bring up concerns only when necessary.
For years, I harmed myself in the name of “health,” terrified of becoming part of the “obesity epidemic” I had been taught to fear. Despite having excellent blood test results, my doctor would often request more tests “just in case.” When my son appeared to be in a higher weight and height percentile compared to my daughter, it was assumed my size contributed to it. I was bombarded with unsolicited advice about weight loss, even though my glucose test was completely normal. The phrase “just in case” became a recurring theme.
Each prenatal visit, regardless of how well it went, had a single word glaring at me: “Obesity.” Even though I felt healthier than ever and my second pregnancy seemed much smoother than my first, I was labeled as medically obese. That designation loomed over me, making me feel as though I had to constantly monitor my weight and remain vigilant. It felt like a weighty burden, overshadowing my newfound body confidence.
Redefining Obesity
The harsh truth is that I had long avoided the term “obesity” ever since I first heard it broadcasted on the news during middle school. I remember cringing at the sight of the faceless, overweight individuals depicted on screen. I had spent years damaging my body in the name of health, fearing that I would become part of that dreaded epidemic.
However, I’ve come to realize that obesity isn’t a literal epidemic; it’s not something you can “catch.” Increasing research shows that the BMI system is outdated, and many people demonstrate that health can exist across different body sizes. It’s disheartening that we often assume thinness equals health, while also assuming that larger bodies equate to sickness.
The Importance of Respecting All Bodies
When it comes to the sensitive journey of pregnancy and motherhood, we should treat women’s bodies with equal care and respect, regardless of their size. A younger version of me would have appreciated someone recognizing the destructive patterns I was engaging in while being dangerously thin, while my current self wishes to be acknowledged as the strong, capable woman I am today.
I attribute my body acceptance journey to allowing me to release the stress surrounding prenatal visits and genuinely celebrate my second pregnancy. In fact, the months flew by as I chased my energetic toddler, and when my due date arrived, I labored for less than 12 hours. With just three pushes, my son was born, and I couldn’t help but laugh during one of them, all while “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen pumped through the speakers. The entire birthing team danced as my son was placed in my arms—what a perfect anthem for the moment.
I thrived during my pregnancy and birth, all while navigating it in a “medically obese” body. And that, my friends, is a crucial point worth celebrating.
Further Insights
For further insights on pregnancy and related topics, you can check out this excellent resource on pregnancy week by week. If you’re interested in more discussions like this, visit our other blog post here.
Conclusion
In summary, embracing my body during pregnancy has led to a healthier mindset and a more joyful experience. We need to shift our perspectives on body size and health, promoting acceptance and care for all women, regardless of their shape.