A few years ago, I penned a lighthearted post for a parenting site called “Plus-Size and Expecting.” To my surprise, it resonated with countless women, garnering thousands of shares on social media. Many reached out to express gratitude for my candid portrayal of giving birth to healthy children while wearing a size 20. In those heartfelt messages, I found solace and connection as women shared their own struggles with shame and fear about the possibility of a healthy pregnancy as plus-size individuals. While I aimed to bring them comfort and humor, it was their responses that saved me from the harsh criticism and disdain from internet trolls who seemed intent on shaming me for my body.
Ironically, if those trolls thought their words would make me feel guilty for my size, they were mistaken. I’ve battled with self-acceptance my entire life. That changed when my daughter was born—a tiny reflection of me. She was (and is) beautiful, and it dawned on me: if I loathe myself, what message am I sending her? From that moment on, I took to heart Gloria Steinem’s wisdom: “Every time we criticize ourselves in front of a mirror, we teach our daughters to do the same.”
Challenging Societal Beauty Standards
Our society’s beauty standards are, for the most part, unattainable. The overwhelming majority of models and actresses fit a narrow description: tall, slender, with light skin and no visible imperfections. These stereotypes are often enhanced by makeup, lighting, and digital editing. The truth? This ideal is out of reach for 95% of women. If we fail to conform, we risk being deemed unworthy of love, desire, or even the right to feel beautiful.
What about my daughters—these innocent girls blissfully unaware of the judgments they may face? It’s my responsibility to set a positive example and instill in them the belief that they are enough, just as they are. How do I do this? By embodying that belief myself.
Practicing Self-Love
Even on days when I feel like an overstuffed potato, I refuse to speak negatively about my appearance in front of my kids. Instead, I make a point to compliment myself within earshot. I don’t discuss weight; rather, I emphasize strength and healthy choices. I openly refer to myself as fat, framing it as a simple descriptor rather than an insult. By doing so, I normalize self-acceptance and demonstrate that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
I celebrate my body for what it can do: hiking, swimming, and practicing yoga with my children. I’ve also embraced my sexuality in ways I had previously avoided. Gone are the days of hiding beneath oversized clothes. For my daughters’ sake, I wear what makes me feel confident and attractive, proudly showcasing my curves. When appropriate, I flaunt the aspects of my body that I love and engage in playful flirtation, mostly with my husband. I firmly believe that I deserve love and pleasure.
Forging a Path of Self-Love
While it can be daunting to challenge societal beauty ideals and silence the critical voices inside my head, I’m committed to forging a path of self-love for my daughters. I will continue to “fake it until I make it,” knowing that the example I set will equip them to handle whatever negativity comes their way.
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Conclusion
In summary, embracing my body and teaching my daughters to love themselves for who they are is a journey filled with challenges. However, by practicing self-love and rejecting societal standards, I hope to raise confident and empowered children who understand the beauty of diversity.