Let me be clear: being a single mother is incredibly challenging. You hardly get any downtime, your children often take your efforts for granted, and societal acknowledgment is scarce. You’re juggling everything on your own. Yet, amidst the chaos, there’s a profound beauty in it. When you’re steering the ship solo, you dictate the course. With that kind of autonomy, no one hinders your decisions. Even on the toughest days when I feel like giving up, I find joy in being a single mom because I can do what I want.
I’ve been navigating single motherhood since my son was born. While his father is present in his life, he leaves most of the heavy lifting to me. I make all the key decisions about our son’s upbringing. Of course, if his dad ever chooses to become more engaged, I’d gladly welcome that. Until then, I’m the one in charge.
One of the early joys I found in single motherhood was breastfeeding. I always intended to nurse beyond the age of one, and I wasn’t going to stop just because of a number. My ex-partner may not have openly expressed his discontent with my choice, but his subtle remarks like, “Are you still doing that?” didn’t faze me. I would respond cheerfully, knowing he had no say in the matter, especially since we weren’t living together.
Many aspects of my single mom life that bring me happiness might seem simple. For instance, I have total control over my son’s clothing. When his dad buys him outfits, it’s clear he doesn’t consider our son’s usual style. Like that time he bought our four-year-old shoes with laces, completely disregarding the fact that our child can’t tie them yet. Those shoes just end up collecting dust in the closet.
I also ensure my son learns important values and lessons that might not be addressed in a traditional household setting. As someone who identifies as queer, I find that raising him in an environment where he sees me dating women helps normalize diverse relationships, rather than presenting a narrow, heteronormative view.
An often-overlooked perk of being a single mom is the freedom to be spontaneous. If we’re cooped up at home for too long, I can whisk him away for an afternoon at the local store, treat him to cupcakes, or visit friends without needing anyone’s approval. This autonomy is liberating. I’ve always valued having control over my life. In previous relationships, I made compromises, but now, unless it’s a matter of my child’s safety, I can choose freely without having to check in with someone about dinner plans or grocery expenses.
Most importantly, I take pride in my son witnessing me as a strong and independent woman. It means a lot for him to see his mother managing her life and responsibilities. I want him to grow up knowing that women are capable of achieving whatever they set their minds to. While he occasionally sees the struggles, he primarily understands that Mom is doing everything for him on her own.
Perhaps the greatest joy comes when my son hugs me tightly and tells me how much he loves me. Sure, he might express that affection even if his dad were more involved, but I won’t lie—there’s a sense of satisfaction in knowing I’m doing this solo. It often feels empowering, even if there are days when it feels overwhelming.
Being a single mother may never become easier. I’m grateful for the support I do receive from my son’s father, but sometimes, I wish he would engage more in the details of our lives. It would be nice to share the mental load every once in a while. That said, the freedom to make all the decisions is a significant source of happiness for me.
In summary, while single motherhood is rife with challenges, it also offers profound rewards. The autonomy to make decisions for my son and to model resilience and strength is invaluable.
For those considering the journey of parenthood, resources like this guide on infertility and support for transgender parents can be incredibly helpful. If you’re exploring options like home insemination, check out this article for valuable insights.