My five-year-old son, with his flowing (and truly magnificent!) hair and bright smile, often finds himself mistaken for a girl. Just the other day, during our bus ride to school, a woman remarked, “Your daughter has beautiful hair.” I responded with a polite smile, stating, “Thank you! He sure does.” Her expression immediately changed, and she awkwardly moved away in her seat.
On another occasion, I noticed a boy pointing at my son, teasing, “You’re a girl.” A fierce look from me, accompanied by a sharp “Hey!” was enough to send him scurrying off. My son has heard the phrases “boys don’t have long hair” or “boys shouldn’t do that” far too many times.
As a woman, I’ve experienced firsthand how societal expectations can dictate preferences and behaviors. From the moment a child is born, gender norms begin to take shape. Girls are dressed in pink; boys are clad in blue. Girls are expected to grow their hair long and accessorize, while boys are often kept short and simple. Toys become divided along gender lines—dolls for girls and trucks for boys. I’ve long opposed these limiting stereotypes.
Having sons has illuminated the challenges boys encounter with gender expectations. My son has shown a fondness for wearing dresses and painting his nails, leading to deep conversations with his daycare provider about ensuring a supportive environment, free from judgment. My husband, a wonderful role model, even painted his nails to show solidarity with our son.
Recently, while shopping, my son chose a rather unconventional orange-and-white striped shirt adorned with eight (yes, eight) decorative pockets. It’s not exactly my taste (in fact, I find it rather odd), but his enthusiasm for it is infectious, and that’s what truly matters.
There are glimmers of hope that society is moving towards valuing equality, diversity, and personal choice over rigid gender norms. For instance, Boy Story is launching a line of boy dolls, challenging the stereotypical toy market. They face an uphill battle, but their belief in our children’s potential is inspiring, and I stand behind them.
My husband exemplifies how men can thrive in nurturing roles. He embodies a level of emotional intelligence that I admire, and he would choose to stay home with our kids if circumstances allowed. I would never judge anyone for making that choice, but it’s simply not for me. I refuse to be boxed in by societal expectations about gender roles.
So why can’t we simply be ourselves? Isn’t that the pathway to genuine happiness and self-fulfillment? If my son aspires to become a fashion designer, or pursues any passion deemed “feminine,” then that’s exactly what he should do. Ultimately, I cannot control the societal pressures he will encounter. My primary goal is to instill in him the confidence to embrace his true self. I have no doubt that his authentic self will be remarkable.
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In summary, encouraging our children to embrace their individuality, free from the constraints of outdated gender norms, is essential for their happiness and success. By fostering an environment of acceptance and support, we can help them grow into their most authentic selves.