A few years back, I entered into what I thought was a promising relationship with a man named Mark. He had a sharp wit and a keen intellect, and I truly believed that our connection might deepen. Initially, we shared laughter and engaging conversations, enjoying each other’s company. However, one evening during a phone call, he posed a question that left me baffled: “Why did you purchase a house on your own?”
His tone suggested disbelief, as if my independence was an oddity. He continued with, “Shouldn’t you have waited to buy a house with your partner? If we continue this relationship, what do I have to offer if you can manage everything by yourself?”
This left me speechless. The notion that I needed someone to “do” for me was foreign. I had been self-sufficient since I turned 17, and I relished that independence. I explained my decision to buy a house stemmed from a desire to achieve my goals without waiting for marriage. His response was, “Now I understand why you’re single. You intimidate men.” That marked the end of our dates.
I refuse to engage with men’s fragile notions of masculinity. If a man cannot appreciate my accomplishments, then he can simply walk away. Am I expected to suppress my ambitions and wait for a man to provide for me? Absolutely not.
The concept of financial dependency on a partner holds no appeal for me. Would I be given an allowance? Would I need to seek permission for purchases? Would he dictate my choices? We are not living in the 1950s anymore; women now have careers, own homes, and manage their finances. How liberating!
While I recognize that some women find fulfillment in being supported by a partner, that dynamic is stifling for women like me. Being financially reliant feels akin to being treated like a child. As an adult, I am fully capable of making my own choices.
For me, a healthy relationship requires a balance of independence and collaboration. I wish to make my own decisions while also valuing my partner’s input. It doesn’t matter who handles finances, as long as both perspectives are acknowledged. Sadly, too often, when a husband passes away, the wife is left to navigate financial matters alone because her partner managed everything.
This is a cycle perpetuated by societal norms, where boys grow into men who believe they control everything except what is deemed “women’s work.” They pay the bills and make significant purchases, while women often find themselves in the role of caretaker—cleaning and raising children—because men have convinced themselves these tasks are less important, especially when they bring home a higher salary.
When independent women like me enter the scene, it can cause discomfort. The man I previously dated was not unique; many have expressed similar views. One guy, after a few months of dating, vanished on me. It wasn’t until a friend revealed he was struggling financially that I understood his sudden silence.
Even before I purchased my house, I faced judgment regarding my independence. Upon buying a new car without my partner, he accused me of being naive for not bringing him along, convinced that women alone were often taken advantage of at dealerships. Unsurprisingly, that relationship didn’t last.
Another man questioned how I could afford to live alone in Los Angeles, where most people had roommates. I adhered to a strict budget, which allowed me to maintain my independence. When he remarked, “I didn’t realize you had bank like that,” I was taken aback since my income was modest. I simply prioritized my spending. Soon after, he asked when I would cook for him, to which I quipped, “I’ll cook for you, but I suggest you don’t eat it.” He didn’t stick around much longer.
Male insecurity can be quite amusing; it often takes very little to rattle their confidence. When I make choices, I never worry about how they may affect my appeal to men. Those who desire a partner willing to be controlled wouldn’t want me, nor would I want them. I’m not here to soothe insecurities or play the role of caretaker.
I have embraced my independence throughout my life, and if that threatens a man’s self-esteem, it’s not my concern. Instead of casting blame, perhaps he should reflect on why my accomplishments make him uncomfortable. He can either elevate himself or step aside. Regardless, I will continue to live life on my terms, making my own decisions without hesitation.
In conclusion, embracing independence is not merely about financial success; it’s about self-empowerment and personal choice. For those interested in exploring related topics, consider reading more about home insemination kits, which can offer valuable insights for individuals navigating their own paths. Additionally, for those looking for resources on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC provides excellent information here.