As I reflect on my personal journey, I realize that the first time I consciously chose to “lose” something was at the age of 12. Growing up, I often felt heavier than my peers, making weight loss a recurring theme in my New Year’s resolutions. Over the years, my goals shifted—from quitting habits like nail-biting to chasing the latest weight-loss trends. For over thirty years, I’ve dedicated myself to the pursuit of loss or abstention.
However, amidst all this focus on what to shed, I never paused to consider what I might want to gain. Now, I find myself pondering the possibility of reclaiming something that perhaps I lost along the way, or maybe something I never fully embraced. The challenge lies in identifying what that “gain” might be.
One realization stands out: I may have never fully found my voice. Like many women, I’ve often allowed the opinions and needs of others to overshadow my own. This has led to years of silencing my inner thoughts, and when I do manage to express myself, I often feel guilt or self-doubt afterward. The fear of letting my true voice define me has kept me from embracing my authenticity.
This pattern of dismissing my voice has become a habit. The quest for perfection has only led to frustration. I’m weary of choosing the easy path to avoid conflict, consistently opting for peace over authenticity. We pressure ourselves to meet expectations, yet nothing seems ever good enough. This safe space we inhabit stifles our true selves, silencing that empowering voice within.
My journey to reclaim my voice has taken on a deeper significance, especially as I watch my 8-year-old daughter navigate similar challenges. I see her hesitating to speak up, instinctively seeking approval from others before sharing her thoughts. I encourage her to express herself confidently, emphasizing the importance of using her voice. She absorbs my frustrations about the moments I’ve allowed my voice to go unheard, and it’s clear that girls don’t simply choose silence—they are taught it.
It’s taken time, but I’ve come to understand that I am the architect of my own identity. My voice is my creation, an integral part of who I am. I sometimes wonder why I waited so long to embrace this truth, but I remind myself that personal growth unfolds at its own pace.
I will reach my destination in due time.
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In summary, as we approach the New Year, it is essential to shift our focus from what we want to lose to what we wish to gain. Finding our voice and embracing our true selves can lead to profound personal growth.