“Are you thrilled?”
This is a question I’ve been asked repeatedly by family, friends, and colleagues over the last several months. As I approach the journey of becoming a first-time dad, the idea of teaming up with my partner to raise a lively baby girl brings me immense joy and an unexpected sense of calm that I find hard to express.
So yes, I’m thrilled. But…I’m also 43. To be candid, shortly after learning I would soon be a father, I found myself searching “Famous Dads Over 40,” hoping to see a list of cool, seasoned rock stars balancing parenting with their careers. Instead, my computer froze. Pure coincidence, I’m sure.
I understand that among parenting experts, the concerns surrounding first-time dads in their 40s probably rank somewhere between choosing the right amount of screen time and deciding between a clown, magician, or bouncy house for a party. (Bouncy house wins, obviously.) But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about keeping up with my daughter as she grows. I want to be there for every milestone—her first words, her first steps, her prom date interrogation, and even her inaugural address in 2060. The thought of not being around for these moments is unsettling.
That said, I also know that as long as I maintain my somewhat rocky relationship with exercise and balanced eating, the likelihood of being present for my daughter’s key moments is fairly high. And let’s face it: even younger dads miss out on significant milestones because life has a knack for getting in the way.
Being 43 isn’t all bad. I’ve amassed a wealth of experience and knowledge over the years, which I consider essential tools in my dad toolkit. One valuable lesson I’ve learned is that proficiency takes time, requiring patience—a quality I’ve honed over the years.
While I may not excel at fatherhood right away, I’m learning to accept that fact. Eventually, I’ll navigate the challenges and become the dad my daughter deserves.
In reality, my age is a concern, but it’s manageable and probably not as significant as I initially thought. Once the baby arrives, I’ll likely be so immersed in diaper duty that I won’t have the mental energy to dwell on whether I can relate to a preteen who declares, “I love oldies!” after jamming to a Kendrick track.
The real worry for me, however, is something I may have less control over than my age. As you might have guessed from the title, my primary concern is raising a child in a world where a divisive figure has reached the highest office in the land, wielding the power that comes with it. This is a pressing concern, particularly during my daughter’s formative years.
In my view, Donald Trump epitomizes our nation’s current psyche. He embodies the troubling values that many Americans have adopted, often at the expense of others. We prize strength, even when it crushes the vulnerable. We chase material wealth, regardless of the collateral damage. We accumulate possessions while ignoring the environmental fallout. We cling to self-interest, even if it means rejecting science. We yearn for quick fixes to complex problems, often empowering those who promise them.
What do we sacrifice for these “values”? Community. Empathy. Education. Equity. The respect and protection of the mothers who have given us life. These are the principles I hope to instill in my daughter.
Yet, this task won’t be easy. Despite providing her with the tools to think critically, she will still face powerful media messages that promote toxic ideologies and distort the truth. With ongoing global conflicts, health care becoming a luxury, and climate change accelerating, she will inherit a world shaped by humanity’s reckless tendencies.
Then there’s me. I’ve used “we” throughout this narrative because I’m not merely an observer of these issues. I’ve, at times, embraced the very “values” I critique. Being a progressive doesn’t shield one from moments of ignorance or selfishness.
What gives me hope is my awareness of these flaws. I recognize that my occasional lapses can undermine the values I hold dear. I’m flawed, and I acknowledge it. But I strive to improve daily.
Perhaps that’s where we all stand: imperfect yet capable of making better choices if we confront our weaknesses and seek support from others. With collective effort, we might just save ourselves and our planet. It’s a daunting task, but not entirely out of reach.
Or maybe it is. Honestly, I’m running low on solutions.
But someday, when I ask my daughter how she plans to fix the world, if her response begins with, “Dad, it’s complicated” and she outlines a thoughtful plan, I’ll know she embodies the change our world desperately needs—and that I’ve done a commendable job as her father.
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Summary
In navigating the journey of fatherhood at 43 amid a challenging political landscape, I grapple with the joys and fears of raising a daughter. While my age presents concerns, my wealth of experience contributes positively. The real challenge lies in instilling values in a world that often prioritizes toxic traits. Ultimately, I strive to cultivate critical thinking and empathy in my daughter, hoping she’ll one day offer meaningful solutions to the world’s complexities.