This fall, my vibrant daughter is set to embark on her kindergarten journey. Thanks to the birthday cut-off dates in our area, she’ll be among the youngest in her class, entering school at just 4 years old. However, this piece isn’t focused on that topic, nor is it about the controversial choice of redshirting children. There are plenty of forums and passionate blog posts dedicated to that discussion.
Instead, this narrative revolves around the last year my partner and I spent contemplating whether to enroll our daughter in elementary school this fall. We sought advice from her teachers, education specialists, friends, and family. We consulted every possible expert. Ultimately, though, this wasn’t about her readiness; it was about me facing the challenge of letting go. It’s always about the process of letting go.
The Journey of Letting Go
The journey of letting go began even before she was born. I had to release the picture-perfect pregnancy I envisioned and the ideal birth experience I had hoped for. For us, it was about letting go before we even got to say hello. I met my daughter for the first time in the NICU hours after her birth.
In those early months, I clung to her tightly. Sometimes, I felt a pang of jealousy when others held her; the physical absence of my pregnancy was painful as it felt like a part of me was forever lost. Her arrival into the world meant saying goodbye to the unique connection we shared while she was still inside me.
As she grew, the letting go continued. The thrill of her crawling and walking was bittersweet, a reminder that she could navigate the world without my support. I cherished her excitement as she tasted avocado for the first time, yet I grieved the loss of solely nourishing her from my body.
The realization that she had a life beyond our own hit me hard when I heard her singing a song learned in music class with her caregiver. That was the moment I understood she was developing her own world, growing bolder and more independent each day.
Welcoming Change with Open Arms
When her brother was born, the letting go took me by surprise. While I was overjoyed to welcome my son, I was unprepared for the feelings of sadness and guilt about no longer being the sole focus of my daughter’s attention.
Now, after four and a half years, the letting go has evolved into witnessing her transformation into her own person. Sometimes that person is challenging and emotional, prompting me to confront the complex feelings I have for this little being I adore so deeply. It’s about recognizing my limits as a parent and accepting that she is authentically herself — which is exactly as it should be.
This past year has been about learning to embrace this transition. Whether I send my child to kindergarten at 4, 5, or even later, the feelings of letting go will remain constant. Each parenting phase and milestone brings its own set of little losses that we must learn to navigate.
My father once told me he felt the most successful as a parent when my brother and I left home to forge our own paths. Though it was painful for him to see us go, he knew he had done well by us because we were progressing forward. For years, I struggled to understand this perspective, but I think I’m starting to grasp it now.
Finding Balance in Emotions
Though the letting go can be difficult, it is my responsibility as a parent to embrace it. So, this fall, my fierce little girl will step into kindergarten. She’s filled with confidence and excitement. As for me? I’m beginning to feel that excitement too, but I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness as I prepare to release the memories of her preschool days and the toddler and baby she once was. I’m feeling both emotions, and that’s completely okay.
This September, I’ll let go a bit more — and likely hold on tighter at the same time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, embarking on this new chapter of kindergarten means navigating the bittersweet emotions of letting go and embracing change. For more insights on fertility and parenting, you can check out this informative resource on fertility treatments.