As mothers, we often find ourselves entrenched in a cycle of saying “no.” No, you can’t have that snack. No, you’re not borrowing the car tonight. No, I won’t leave this closet to confront your sibling over the stolen ‘Harry Potter’ book. We concoct reasons to stay in our pajamas on chilly winter days and decline committee roles with the excuse that planning a school carnival is just too much. Our partners hear “no” in intimate moments more than they might wish, often due to our exhaustion or insecurities about our bodies. Regular exercise takes a backseat as we attribute our lack of time to our children’s hectic schedules.
We say no to prevent our kids from taking risks on the playground and to steer them away from friendships we deem unsuitable. If you’re an introvert like me, you likely turn down invitations for playdates, preferring solitude unless absolutely necessary. Day after day, we find ourselves uttering no, no, nope, and no way. It’s a known fact that mothers have a reputation for their frequent “no.”
But what if we flipped the script? What if we said yes to ourselves even half the time?
In the early days of motherhood, I poured all my energy into simply keeping my family afloat. Midnight feedings, endless playdough sessions, and coaxing my children to eat anything other than blueberries consumed my days. My social life dwindled to occasional playgroups, and I often went months without wearing makeup or anything beyond workout gear—despite not working out. One day, after catching a glance in the mirror, I was taken aback. I looked dreadful—like a version of myself that had been neglected for ages. My hair was a mess, dark circles framed my eyes, and my body had taken on a shape I hardly recognized. It was as if I had declared a resounding “NOPE” to my own identity.
Staring back at that unfamiliar figure, I realized I had been neglecting myself for far too long. Something in that moment urged me to start saying yes to my own needs. I began to prioritize my “noes” differently. No, I won’t rise with the kids on Saturday because I’m saying yes to a run (which really was a brisk walk that left me out of breath). No, I can’t handle bath time tonight because I’m saying yes to a spin class with friends. While “no” remained a part of my vocabulary, I stopped saying it to myself. This shift helped me shed 30 pounds of baby weight, simply by acknowledging my own needs.
I unapologetically continue to prioritize self-care. Women, especially mothers, are often seen as the doers and caretakers—the ones who solve problems and manage the household chaos. Our families lean on us for everything from meals to locating misplaced soccer cleats. In the midst of this whirlwind, it’s easy to overlook what might truly benefit us in the long run. Why not adjust our priorities so that our lives feel more fulfilling?
Recently, a friend shared that she applied for a new job, grappling with concerns about managing it all. Despite her worries about logistics, she chose to embrace the challenge, viewing it as an opportunity to grow. She even treated herself to new clothes to celebrate her decision. Good for her, I say.
Saying yes doesn’t equate to neglecting our responsibilities as mothers, nor does it give us a free pass to offload our duties onto others. It’s about adopting a mindset shift, a realization that we are deserving of our own dreams and aspirations. Yes can be daunting, but it is undeniably worthwhile. I am worthy of pursuing my goals, even if that goal is simply enjoying a quiet cup of coffee in a café for half an hour.
While I’m on this journey of embracing “yes,” I will still firmly say no to Justin Bieber. Because, NO.