Finding Time for Connection
As we step into the bustling terminal at JFK, pulling our matching suitcases behind us, my eleven-year-old looks up with a bright smile and says, “Mom, we’ve never had a trip just the two of us before!” This journey to Los Angeles is a long-awaited adventure for just my son and me.
The inspiration for this trip came to me on a gloomy winter morning when I saw my son trudging toward the school bus, his hood pulled over his head and shoulders hunched. It struck me that he seemed to be dimming, and I hadn’t noticed until that moment.
While I juggled video calls with my oldest at college, strategized with my high school sophomore, and carted my youngest to soccer practices, my easygoing child, who could happily spend hours playing video games, was left to navigate his own world. On weekends, my husband and I were simply relieved to get through another week of pandemic life. We’d often end up dozing on the couch or engrossed in a book. The house was tranquil—no crying or shouting. Sounds good, right?
But it wasn’t. I feel a twinge of guilt admitting this, but it was a necessary coping mechanism for our family during those challenging times. Still, the moment had come to change course. My son needed more of my attention.
When my second child was seven, I realized he was fading into the background of our busy family life. I decided to shift my focus. That week, I brought him a pack of Oreos when I picked him up from school and stayed to watch his entire soccer practice. As we walked home, he asked, “Mom, what’s happening? First Oreos, then you stay for practice? Is it a special day?”
That experience taught me a vital lesson: it doesn’t take much to make a child feel valued.
It also reminded me that it’s never too late to bring a little light into a quiet child’s life. We can easily get caught up in guilt over having overlooked them for a while, but it’s important to remember that we can still make things right. Acknowledging that they’ve felt neglected is incredibly powerful; it reassures them that they are seen and cared for.
So how do we give individual attention to a child when we’re balancing multiple needs at home?
In the past, I often felt pressured to plan extravagant outings, but the reality is that kids don’t require grand gestures. While I did go all out for our Los Angeles trip by utilizing some of our unused travel funds from the last couple of years, I learned that it’s the moments of focus and connection that count the most.
1. One-on-One Time is Key
I was torn between taking my youngest to Los Angeles or planning a trip to Disney World with both him and his sister since they had never been. Ultimately, I let him choose, and his sole question was, “Which trip will I get to be alone with you?” Disney didn’t matter if it meant sharing my attention.
2. Small Gestures Matter
Even though I made our LA trip special, it was a reminder that kids often cherish the simple things. It’s the feeling of being noticed—like a surprise Oreo after school or a parent attending a soccer game—that truly matters.
3. Don’t Assume What They Value
We explored all the popular sites in LA—Universal Studios, Santa Monica Pier, and more. Yet, when I asked my son about his favorite moments, he said it was sharing a bento box with me, visiting his baby cousin, and having a sleepover with a friend. It was clear that ordinary experiences with loved ones mattered most to him.
On our flight back to New York, my son grabbed my hand and said, “This is the best weekend I’ve had in four years.” That moment of connection was all I needed.
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In summary, it’s crucial not to let the quieter children feel lost in the chaos of family life. Simple acts of love and attention can go a long way in making them feel valued and seen.