Updated: June 10, 2021
Originally Published: December 26, 2013
As I glance at my soft, round thighs and adjust my swim skirt, a singular thought consumes me: I despise public pools.
My daughter, Chloe, splashes around joyfully, embodying the carefree spirit of a four-year-old. Meanwhile, my husband, Mark, removes his shirt, momentarily pokes at his pale stomach, then shrugs it off before diving in. I, however, remain seated in a lawn chair, immobilized by the glaring whiteness of my thighs under the sun, vowing to stay put behind this oversized beach bag resting on my lap.
Watching Chloe, I reminisce about the days before puberty when I frolicked in ruffled bikinis and spent entire summers in pools. I could open my eyes underwater, swim to the bottom, and launch myself out of the deep end within seconds, chasing friends around the slides. The thought of running around in this swim dress—without even a proper bra—makes me cringe, leading me to wrap myself in a large towel instead.
I observe a group of moms passing by—fit and tanned in their tankinis—and I can’t help but feel a pang of envy. I find myself resenting them more than the giggling teens who make noise over bikini strings. I tug at my straps and hunch my shoulders, even more conscious of my pale, soft body.
“Mom! Come in!” Chloe shouts with enthusiasm. Mark squints at me, asking, “Aren’t you hot?” I shake my head, trying to mask my discomfort. I see annoyance flicker across his face, and disappointment in Chloe’s eyes. How can I explain that my limbs resemble marshmallows, that the suit I thought was cute at home now feels like a ridiculous muumuu, or that I would give anything to be in my jeans and a real bra?
Then, I spot another mom—a regular mom—wearing a lovely swim dress. She’s holding her child’s hand in the shallow end, blissfully ignoring the Tankini Moms and the shrieking teenagers alike. She’s laughing with her toddler, encouraging her to explore the water a little deeper.
I glance down at my towel-covered self and feel utterly foolish—and overheated. Why should I care about my egg carton thighs? Who cares if those silly boys smirk? I’m missing out on teaching Chloe how to swim underwater!
With a determined breath, I stand up slowly, forcing myself to focus on Chloe instead of my jiggling cellulite. I climb down the pool ladder, ready to embrace the moment.
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In summary, the struggle with body image can often overshadow the joys of family activities. However, it’s important to remember that these moments spent with loved ones are what truly matter. Embracing the experience, as challenging as it may be, can lead to cherished memories and newfound confidence.