While it may be uncomfortable, it is essential that we discuss the topic of sexual abuse with our children.
About 12 years ago, my partner and I began constructing a home in my childhood town—a place I had always dreamed of raising my family. This quaint community held a special magic for me, and every time I left, I felt an undeniable pull to return. As the foundation of our new home was laid on a sweltering July afternoon, a neighbor approached us. Although I tried to be friendly, his overly eager demeanor set off alarm bells. “We have cows! You should bring your kids to see them. My barn is always stocked with candy too. You can come over right now.” His intense gaze made me anxious, and I promptly declined, turning away from him. Later, I confided in my partner that our children would never visit this man’s property—I felt an instinctual aversion.
Three years later, I returned home to find a police officer waiting in my driveway. He handed me a flyer featuring my neighbor’s face. “You’ll want to read this. We’re notifying everyone within a mile.” The flyer detailed how this seemingly harmless man had been convicted of rape—not once, but twice. He had assaulted a woman while she was jogging, and shortly after serving his sentence, he preyed on a minor. The fact that he lived so close to my family sent waves of fury, sadness, and fear through me. Our once peaceful town now felt menacing, stripped of its charm.
Since that incident, I’ve dedicated myself to educating my children about sexual abuse and self-protection. Once a month—whether we’re in the car, at a restaurant, or at home—I seize the opportunity to have this critical conversation with them. I emphasize that while it’s important to respect adults, they must never feel obligated to comply with demands that seem wrong. No one should force them to hug or kiss, and they should always feel empowered to leave any situation that makes them uncomfortable. It’s crucial that they know they can reach out to me at any time.
Fortunately, many parents and schools have recognized the need for these discussions. We remind our children that if something feels wrong—especially if it involves secrets or inappropriate touches—they should inform a trusted adult immediately. We may sound repetitive, but open dialogue is vital. The more we communicate, the more confident and empowered our children will be in navigating tough situations. Many of us grew up in times when topics like these were shrouded in silence, leaving us feeling ashamed to voice our concerns. Now, we strive to create a supportive environment that encourages our children to speak up.
For too long, many incidents of abuse went unreported due to statutes of limitations that barred action. Thankfully, recent changes have extended these limitations, acknowledging that many children struggle to comprehend their experiences until much later. When I finally disclosed my own abuse to a therapist at 16, she was legally required to report it. I found myself at the police station, recounting painful details to a stranger. It was an excruciating experience, and despite sharing my truth, I learned that my time to seek justice had elapsed. I left feeling defeated and ashamed.
Our children deserve so much more than that. There is no shame in coming forward about inappropriate actions by adults or peers. Abuse affects individuals deeply, regardless of when it occurs. When children feel unheard or unsupported, the emotional scars run deeper. We must teach our kids to find their voice and advocate for themselves, reinforcing that sexual abuse is never their fault. By maintaining these crucial conversations, we can break down the barriers of shame and work towards protecting our children.
Conclusion
In summary, discussing sexual abuse with children, though daunting, is necessary for their safety and empowerment. Open dialogue fosters confidence and assures them that they are not alone. It is our responsibility to educate them about their rights and encourage them to share their experiences without fear.