As someone who has always been a people-pleaser, I’ve struggled to say no. I avoid confrontations, fear disappointing others, and typically try to maintain harmony in all situations. I’m not one to stir the pot or cause a ruckus. Honestly, I want people to like me. My inclination to please others has led me to say yes far too often, even when it’s not in my best interest.
The thought of saying no would weigh heavily on my mind. Would people get upset? Would they view me as lazy or unkind? The anxiety associated with these questions kept me trapped in a cycle of overcommitting. I found myself agreeing to attend events I didn’t care about or help out with tasks that drained my energy. The result? I often felt overwhelmed, snapping at my partner about trivial matters and struggling to maintain any semblance of balance. I realized I couldn’t keep saying yes without sacrificing my well-being.
Recently, I had a significant realization—an emotional breakdown that forced me to face the truth: I simply cannot please everyone. I decided it was time to be more selective with my affirmatives and embrace the power of ‘no.’
The journey to embracing my newfound approach was not easy. I was terrified of disappointing others, worrying that they might think less of me. However, the burden of unnecessary commitments was suffocating. I had to take control and reclaim my time.
So, I began to say no:
- “Could I be the room parent for my child’s class? Nope.”
- “Can I attend your distant relative’s wedding? Nope.”
- “Am I available for your moms’ night out that doubles as a sales pitch? Nope.”
- “Can I make it to that college reunion? Nope, even if I wanted to.”
- “Could I cook dinner tonight? Nope—Thai takeout sounds perfect!”
Surprisingly, once I started embracing my ‘nopes,’ nothing catastrophic occurred. The world didn’t end. People didn’t lash out at me. In fact, I remained polite, often saying things like “no, thank you” or “probably not.” Sometimes, I explained my decision, but often, I didn’t feel the need to justify myself—because “nope” is a complete sentence.
This shift has been liberating. I’ve regained control over my life and can now reserve my yeses for what truly matters. While I still experience FOMO from time to time, I’ve learned to invest my energy into relationships and activities that bring me joy and fulfillment.
Ultimately, I’ve realized that not everyone will like me, regardless of how generous I am with my time and commitments. I cannot make everyone happy, and that’s perfectly okay.
While I might be less focused on pleasing everyone these days, I still strive to be kind and respectful. That means my ‘no’ might sometimes come wrapped in a polite package, like “I’m sorry, but no thank you.”
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In summary, learning to say no has transformed my life, allowing me to prioritize my time and energy for what truly matters.