I never imagined myself divorced. What I truly wanted was to avoid an unhappy marriage. Though I once enjoyed dating, the thought of re-entering that world was daunting.
I got married at a young age, shaped by various traumas from my childhood. Having been a victim of abuse, I only knew one side of myself at that time. I was molded by my surroundings, often becoming the support for others instead of discovering my true self. When I entered my twenties, rather than exploring my identity, I married someone who was confident in who he was. Perhaps I was drawn to his solidity because I lacked that sense of self. His strong sense of identity allowed me to avoid confronting my own needs for happiness. I was looking for someone to love me, rather than learning to love myself and finding someone to complement that love.
As we grew together, it became evident that we were not well-suited for each other. As I evolved, my husband struggled to accept the person I was becoming. My journey of public healing made him uncomfortable, and our frequent arguments became detrimental for our children to witness. Despite our attempts at therapy, we realized we were beyond saving and decided to divorce.
Initially, I wasn’t ready to date again. I wanted to take my time and not rush into another relationship, fearing it would lead to another divorce. I recognized the importance of self-discovery and healing from my past traumas.
However, a few weeks after moving out, a friend pushed me to try Bumble. The excitement of meeting new people was tempting, and I enjoyed some light flirting after a long time. But when I matched with my ex-husband’s profile and saw his “Looking for someone exactly like me” tagline, I realized I didn’t want to reduce anyone to a mere profile. I sought a complex individual who could deepen my own understanding of life.
It took several awkward experiences on dating apps for me to accept that online dating wasn’t for me. I cherish getting to know people deeply—their flaws, dreams, and energies. I don’t have a specific type or strict criteria for potential partners. Today’s dating scene often presents a curated version of individuals that doesn’t resonate with me. I’ve learned not to settle for less.
Through these unsuccessful dates, I discovered what I truly wanted: something genuine and raw. I desire a partner who challenges me to grow and shares my values. I want someone who appreciates the space to be themselves, just as I do. I yearn for a meet-cute that would make Harry and Sally green with envy.
Once I began to recognize and honor my desires, I found connections that aligned with my vision. With every new relationship, I’m getting closer to my ideal partner. Each date improves simply because I’ve learned what I want and, more importantly, what I deserve.
It’s been two years since my divorce, and I’m not remarried or in a long-term commitment. At one point, I might have seen this as a failure, but I now understand that embracing self-love and acceptance is a significant success in itself.
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In summary, my experiences over the past two years of dating have taught me more about myself than nearly a decade of marriage. Through the journey of self-exploration, I’ve come to understand my desires and needs, allowing me to embrace my worth and seek authentic relationships.