At 38 years old, I have finally recognized my type of friendship. You might assume I would have figured this out during my high school years, but that wasn’t the case. I was so lost in my own identity back then that I couldn’t even envision the kind of people I wanted in my life. I often felt like a background character, the “and” in phrases like, “You should come to my party, and she can come too.” While others insisted that wasn’t true, I felt invisible in social gatherings.
In college, I shared a dorm with an eclectic roommate who adored Tori Amos and had a penchant for impulsively chopping her hair during emotional lows. She wasn’t my ideal friend, but her music taste was refreshing. I dipped my toes in the sorority scene but couldn’t grasp the idea of paying for companionship, especially with the vibrant culture of New Orleans surrounding me. I mingled with stunning girls who saw themselves as anything but, and amidst the chaos of their lives filled with late-night escapades and self-doubt, I realized I didn’t fit in there either. I cherished them but never felt enough.
After graduation, I moved to Boston, where I met a strong woman who taught me that I could embrace my intellect without compromising for the company of men. Unfortunately, our friendship faded when I relocated to Connecticut. I was asking for too much while giving too little, and as she embraced marriage and motherhood, our connection struggled to adapt.
My journey into motherhood opened the door to a profound friendship when I met a fellow mom while picking up my daughter from preschool. This fierce woman, pregnant with her second child and managing a move, radiated intensity. I was both intimidated and intrigued by her. She threw a quick, sharp comment my way before gathering her child and departing.
We began exchanging brief conversations at school pickups and birthday parties. Our snarky banter blossomed, and when she erupted in laughter at something I said, I knew I had found the friend I had longed for. She was authentic, resilient, and possessed an uncanny ability to see through nonsense.
I have friends who have lifelong connections and those who thrive in social circles, but as an adult and a mother, my time is more valuable than ever. Finding this bond has clarified the qualities I seek in friendships and the type of woman I aspire to be. Since meeting my friend, I’ve surrounded myself with strong, opinionated, and intelligent women, and I have never been happier.
While my friend may not be everyone’s cup of tea, neither is any one person perfect. I am a warm hugger, whereas she tends to keep her distance. I embrace everyone, often leading to frustration, while she takes her time to let people earn her trust. She is meticulous in her planning, while I prefer spontaneity. Yet, our dynamic is unapologetically authentic. I can count on her to have extra juice boxes for my kids at the park, and during her most stressful moments, I know a glass of wine and laughter will bring her peace.
Most importantly, since connecting with my friend, I have discovered new layers of myself. I am fiercely confident in my career, my parenting, and I am writing more than ever. I have become the best version of myself.
High school friendships left me uncertain, college relationships confused me, and connections in my twenties were merely entertaining. My mom friends are now my anchors through the challenges and joys of motherhood, a journey that can feel isolating at times. With my friend by my side, I always have someone who carries an extra juice box or a glass of wine in her bag.
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In summary, finding true friendship is a journey that unfolds over time. Through various life stages, I have learned to embrace the connections that enrich my life and reflect the woman I aspire to be.