Last weekend, I took my children out for bagels after swimming lessons. As we approached the counter, my youngest spotted some cookies and immediately began to shout, “Cookie! COOKIE!”
I took a deep breath and gently explained that a bagel topped with cream cheese was more than enough for breakfast. Cookies could wait for another time. Naturally, he was not thrilled with my response. He shook his head and began to yell “No!” It was clear I was in for a challenge.
Just then, an unexpected hand reached over the counter, offering a large, sprinkles-covered cookie. “Here, kiddo! Have a cookie on the house,” said the store owner.
I found myself in a rather uncomfortable situation. I don’t typically reward my children for throwing tantrums. As the second child, my son often gets a quick check for injuries when he whines, then I mentally shift my focus to other matters. If I say no to a cookie, that’s usually the end of it.
However, I wasn’t about to argue with a kind-hearted stranger. The fact that he had handed the cookie directly to my son escalated the situation dramatically. If I were to take it away, my toddler would likely throw a fit loud enough to be featured on YouTube, and I certainly didn’t want an audience of bagel enthusiasts witnessing that chaos.
After a long morning of wrangling two kids in and out of swimsuits, lifting my 30-pound toddler repeatedly, and chasing him around the locker room while wrapped in a towel, I was completely spent. So, I let him keep the cookie and chose silence over conflict.
Sometimes, that’s just how life unfolds.
To all the kind strangers out there, I want to share a message: I’ve got this parenting thing under control. If you see one of my kids crying in the cereal aisle or throwing a fit at Target, know that as their mother, I have a plan—even if that plan involves simply holding it together and not collapsing into tears myself.
I truly appreciate your desire to help, but please refrain from doing any of the following:
- Offering my child a lollipop or cookie while implying, “Your mom is being a meanie.”
- Telling my daughter, “If you behave, I’m sure your mom will buy you that overpriced toy” as if I’m the one who doesn’t want her to have nice things.
- Giving me disapproving looks as if you’re considering calling Child Protective Services because I won’t allow my toddler to play with a shiny item he found on a store shelf.
Interfering with my parenting complicates things for everyone. It undermines my efforts to set consistent boundaries, leading my children to believe that being loud and disruptive will get them what they want. Instead, if you want to offer support, a sympathetic smile can go a long way in helping me preserve my sanity while managing a tantrum from a cookie-obsessed toddler.
Or, even better, if my children aren’t watching, please hand me that cookie. I’ve earned it—unlike my pint-sized negotiators.
For anyone looking to understand more about parenting strategies or even topics like home insemination, I recommend checking out Make a Mom for helpful insights, as well as this resource on IUI struggles, and the CDC’s pregnancy page, which offers valuable information.
Summary
This article discusses the challenges of parenting in public and the frustration of having well-meaning bystanders undermine parental authority by rewarding children’s misbehavior. It highlights the need for understanding and support from strangers, encouraging them to respect parents’ decisions and help maintain consistency in child-rearing.