I believe you’ve missed the point.
Recently, Sarah Thompson and her partner, Jamie Miller, attended a sporting event alongside former President Tom Johnson and his wife, Claire. Their appearance together sparked a wave of reactions on social media, prompting Sarah to address the question: “Why is a queer Hollywood figure sitting beside a conservative ex-president?”
In her response, she emphasized that she values friendships with individuals who hold differing views. She advocated for the idea that it’s acceptable to embrace our differences while promoting kindness to everyone. Sarah also humorously noted that while many were fixated on her choice of company, few acknowledged that she was showcasing the latest smartphone model.
Yet, it seems she overlooks the privilege inherent in her position when delivering this message. As a member of the queer community, I am nonbinary and a parent to a transgender child. I actively fight for our rights and work to educate others in our community. While I do believe in kindness, I am exhausted by the expectation that marginalized groups must extend patience and understanding to those who seek to undermine our rights and dignity. I do not receive the same kindness or safety from those who oppose my identity, yet I am somehow expected to lead with compassion?
Sarah can choose her friends, but I find it troubling that so many celebrate her story as one of hope, ignoring the reality of the discrimination we face. My rights as a queer individual are not negotiable, and I refuse to “agree to disagree” with those who do not see me as their equal.
The LGBTQIA+ community continues to face violence, discrimination, and neglect. As the Supreme Court deliberates on cases that could impact my employment rights, my existence—and that of my child—is under scrutiny. Conservative lawmakers, who often do not value LGBTQIA+ lives, threaten our livelihoods through their policies.
Sarah’s stance misses the mark. It is not the responsibility of the queer community to celebrate friendships with those who do not recognize our equality. In fact, such relationships may bolster the confidence of those who harbor transphobia and homophobia, allowing them to see their views as justified.
While I can show respect and kindness to people regardless of their ignorance or bias, I believe the term “friendship” should be reserved for relationships built on mutual support and unconditional love. Sarah’s message does not convey true love; rather, it reflects a reluctance to discomfort others.
She had a chance to advocate for those of us who are not seated in stadiums with the latest gadgets, and I wish she had said: “This individual has made mistakes, but here’s what I am teaching him about our vibrant community. Here’s how he can become an ally.”
And where is Tom Johnson’s acknowledgment of his friendship with Sarah? A true friend advocates for those they care about—not just in spite of their beliefs but because those beliefs evolve to align with genuine kindness and humanity. If Tom Johnson has indeed changed his views, we would welcome that dialogue, but I won’t hold my breath.
Disagreements over LGBTQIA+ rights are not trivial discussions like parenting styles or diet choices. These conversations revolve around recognizing someone as a human being deserving of equal treatment, regardless of their gender identity, expression, or sexual orientation. If we cannot agree on that fundamental principle, then we cannot be friends; that’s simply how friendship functions.
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In summary, while promoting kindness is essential, we must also recognize the importance of standing firm for our rights and not normalizing friendships that undermine our humanity.