I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to address the somewhat shocking “NO” that escaped my lips when you innocently requested a ride in my car to our shared destination. I apologize for the abruptness of my response, which likely left you momentarily stunned.
I also want to express my regret for any discomfort caused when I inadvertently guided you back to your own minivan. You see, dear neighbor, your perfectly organized spice rack and the way you alphabetize your Lazy Susan made me realize that you might not be prepared for the chaos lurking in my vehicle. Remember that time you allowed me to explore your kitchen cabinets? I can only imagine the levels of shock you’d experience if you entered my domain.
My car resembles a battlefield, with remnants of meals long past and toys that have been sacrificed to the depths of the backseat. Moldy French fries and ancient candy are just the tip of the iceberg. I mean, who knew car interiors could become a science experiment? Just last week, I found a pile of fingernails—yes, fingernails—scattered about after my child decided to get creative with his nail clippings while I was distracted.
And let’s not even get started on the mystery of the rotten fruit. After one peach went rogue under the front seat, it unleashed an aroma reminiscent of a wet dog that just rolled in something unspeakable. Or my kids, who think it’s a fun pastime to remove their shoes and let the summer air circulate among their sweaty feet.
Adding to this delightful mix is my youngest, who has developed an affinity for bananas. When they inevitably get mashed into the upholstery, they bear an uncanny resemblance to the aforementioned boogers. Ah, the joys of parenthood!
I’ve tried to instill a sense of responsibility in my children regarding cleanliness, but after a long day, sometimes I just zone out on social media instead of exterminating the remnants of their snack attacks. If I were a bit more diligent about keeping my car tidy, I might have been able to extend an invitation for you to join me without the fear of shocking you with the sights and smells.
In truth, I appreciate your understanding of my firm stance on the matter. I hope you’ll consider proposing a carpool in the future, but please, let me know a day or two in advance. It might take me that long to prepare my vehicle for visitors, as it’s also a breeding ground for forgotten snacks and the occasional dried worm—yes, really.
Thank you for your patience, and I look forward to our next encounter, perhaps on more neutral ground.
Warm regards,
The Girl Who Drives the Car That Looks Decent From the Outside but Is a Total Disaster Inside
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Summary:
The author humorously explains why their car is not suitable for passengers, detailing the chaos and mess from parenting three young boys. They apologize to a neighbor for a harsh refusal to give a ride, providing an entertaining glimpse into the realities of family life.