This past summer, after dedicating a decade to being a stay-at-home mom, I stepped back into the workforce. Though it’s a part-time role and allows me to work from home, I’ve established a routine that keeps me productive. The sense of achievement and freedom it brings is truly liberating. Surprisingly, focusing on something outside of parenting for just a few hours daily has been invigorating. Yet, despite these positive changes, I find myself grappling with guilt. Am I truly a good mother? Am I spending sufficient quality time with my kids? Will the summer slip away without us creating enough cherished memories? Do they feel abandoned by me?
What’s wrong with me? Why do I dwell on thoughts that undermine my abilities as a mother?
Here’s a glimpse into my frustrating self-talk: “Stop it! Your kids are fine, you’re doing okay, and you’re with them for half the day. Remember, you felt guilty as a full-time stay-at-home mom too. You worried about not utilizing your education and contributing financially. But maybe, just maybe, you were meant to put your dreams on hold for a bit. Perhaps your children still need you around more than you realize…”
This internal dialogue seems endless, and I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?
After all, we’ve carried our children, given birth to them, or gone through major procedures to bring them into the world. Regardless of how our kids came to be, every mother works tirelessly for her family each day.
We prepare countless meals, tackle messes, and soothe tears. We’re the ones lifting our children out of cribs, car seats, and from the floor during a tantrum. We track their eating habits, know their last bowel movements, and anticipate when they’ll need to go again. It’s like we have a sixth sense about their emotions; we often know when something’s off even before they step through the door from school.
We juggle so many details—details that no one else should need to hold onto, often involving some pretty messy situations. Even when separated from our kids, we’re constantly connected to them, filled with thoughts of their well-being and happiness.
Despite this, we often end up questioning our capabilities as mothers, convinced we’re falling short.
Let’s Cut Ourselves Some Slack
We deserve recognition for our efforts and love.
Where does this negative self-talk stem from? Is it fueled by the pressure of social media and the incessant comparisons we make with other moms? Or is it a societal norm ingrained in us from childhood—that no matter our contributions, we’ll never measure up? I’m done with it.
Here’s the truth, moms: You’re doing wonderfully. You’re achieving more than you give yourself credit for. Simply questioning your parenting abilities indicates that you care deeply. Your effort and love are palpable, even when you’re busy with work or moments away from them.
It’s essential to embrace your role as a strong mom. Discard the negative voices—whether they originate from your mind or from external sources. Reject the message that you’re failing at motherhood.
Engage in positive self-talk, regardless of how cliché it may seem—it’s for you and for your kids. They need to witness a confident mom who recognizes her worth both as a parent and an individual.
I know it’s challenging, and there will be moments of self-doubt and overwhelming pressure. But we always rise above it because our love drives us forward. That fierce love is what propels us to succeed as mothers, even on our toughest days.
Let’s Commit Together
So, let’s commit to silencing those nagging doubts together. I’ll promise to dismiss my inner critic if you do too. Deal?
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In summary, mothers, remember that you are doing better than you think. Embrace your strength, silence the negativity, and recognize the love you pour into your family every single day.